Red Owl Vs Blue Raven

Heavy Metal

Sarge talking to various dirtbags.

Sarge: Okay, listen up dirtbags. If we're gonna invade this fortress, we need a good gameplan. I have got two options we can use.

Cut to a black and white re-enactment of Sarge's plan.

Sarge: Number one, we all run straight at the base in a single file line, screaming at the top of our lungs. The enemy will be so flabbergasted, by the time they have a chance to regroup, we'll already be inside.

Cut back to Sarge and the dirtbags.

Tucker: Oh yeah right, they're not gonna get surprised, they're just gonna start mowing us down.

Sarge: That's the inherent beauty of the single file line. They can only kill the person in front. So if we order from least important to most important, with Tucker being in the front and me being in the back, then we just might make it through.

Simmons: Don't you think Caboose should be in the back, since he's the one carrying the bomb?

Sarge: Nope, Caboose is in front of me. We need someone in back who can objectively evaluate how the plan is working.

Tucker: How're you gonna know if it's not working?

Sarge: If Caboose dies, I'll know we're in trouble, and immediately abort.

Caboose: (holding the bomb) I think that's a good plan.

Luz: Caboose it's not a good plan.

Gus: That is the dumbest plan... Of all time.

Grif: Sarge, while that's the most retarded idea I've ever heard, I just wanted to thank you for not putting me in front of the line.

Sarge: Don't get misty, Francine. We'll have already killed you and used your corpse to jam up the windmill.

Cut to a black and white re-enactment of Grif's lifeless corpse riding up on the windmill.

Grif's lifeless corpse: Bleah!!!!!!!!!!!

Cut back to Sarge addressing the audience.

Sarge: I think we can all agree given our current situation, it's the perfect plan.

Nobody responds

Eda: We need a better plan then that.

Sarge: Okay, well let me tell you about my other plan. Using parts from the Warthog-

Grif: (to Tex) I'm hoping you've got a better idea.

Sarge: (under Grif's line) We build what I like to call "the Grif Cannon."

Gus: Really?

Grif: Hoh man... (Grif starts walking away slowly)

Sarge: Utilizing the power of the Grif Cannon, we make a Grif-sized hole in the outer wall. ...Or we paint it a very disgusting color.

Luz: That almost sounded like a bad joke or a somewhat bad joke.

Cut to O'Malley ranting about something.

O'Malley: Hahaha, fools. They don't stand a chance against us, hahaha. Do they men?

Lopez: No. Los aplastaremos. [No. We will crush them.]

Red Zealot: The Flag is on our side. We will be victorious!

O'Malley: Stupendous! To your battle stations, on to crushing victory! The fools don't stand a chance against our might! Muahahaa.

Red Zealot and Lopez: ...

O'Malley: What're you still doing there?

Blue Zealot: I forget. Which battle station is mine? I'm still learning my way around the fortress.