traded my life [TWD]

『46』

My head was splitting in half with a headache from hell.

"Want some water?" Dale asks, holding a bottle of water near my face.

I look up at him from where I was still searching for that goddamn clover.

"Thanks," I say and take the water.

Dale grunts as he sits down across from me on the ground.

"You know, I tried to get through to Jacqui back at the CDC," he reveals. "But, no matter what i said.. she looked so calm. Happy. At peace with her choice."

"And Andrea didn't?" I question.

"She looked scared. Confused. I don't regret telling her the things I did.. But, I do regret making her choose my life over her own."

I toy with the necklace around my neck. I think about helping Jacqui back at the hospital. How she trusted me. She allowed me to lead her to safety even when I was as clueless as her.

"This thing with Lori.."

"I'm getting real sick of her name," I admit.

"I'm sure," he agrees. "But.. you're in the middle of this. That isn't fair either."

"How much do you know?" I wonder.

"About as much as Glenn knows."

I scoff a shadow of a laugh. Glenn was an awful liar. Of course, he spilled to Dale.

"Harabeoji.. I don't know what to do," I admit. "Lori and I never got along. We hated each other before."

(trans. harabeoji - grandpa/old man)

I run my hands through my hair and shake my head.

"When Rick got shot, I was visiting my mom in Korea. Shane called me.. I flew back as fast as possible. Lori hugged me. I thought.. maybe bad things can bring people together. But, the more and more this thing between her, Rick, and Shane goes.. the worse it gets."

"Something tells me that's more than just Lori," Dale suspects.

"Shane makes me just as sick lately. We went on the run.. but that had to be done for Carl. Outside of what needs to be done, I can barely stand looking at Shane. He did this, too. He's at just as much fault as Lori."

I hated that my voice was beginning to get muffled in my throat. A cry was trying to escape. Tears stung at my eyes. Younger me would've hated the me from today for being so emotional over these people. But, over the years, they were family now. Little me wouldn't understand.

"And then I look at Rick and it just.. hurts," I confess. "He doesn't deserve this. He gives so much of himself to the both of them and they.. just have this secret that could tear him to pieces. He's too good of a person for this to be happening to him."

Dale rubs my knee comfortingly. "I hate that you're going through this."

"It's the price of family, huh?" I attempt to joke.

"Sure is dysfunctional."

"I don't think I could even point out functional if I saw it. Birth family was more worried about revenge and drugs that.." I sigh.

I shake my head again and look away. I didn't like venting to a lot of people. Why did Dale make things seem so okay, though?

"Now this one is all about secrets and affairs," I scoff. "Un-fucking-believable."