traded my life [TWD]

『47』

Rick smiled when I walked over to him. That just made me feel even more horrible. He greeted me with a pat on the head and a half hug.

"Listen, I um.. I don't really know how to go about this," I admit. "To be honest, I think I'm running on adrenaline or delusion or.. something."

"You can come to me about anything," he promised.

I clench my hands into fists and take a deep breath.

How do I start this? Where do I begin?

"Lori's pregnant."

Fuck. I didn't mean to say it like that exactly.

"What?" Rick asks.

I close my eyes and try to breathe.

"Jenner told me at the CDC that one of the women in the group is pregnant. And I  deduced it down to Lori or Carol. I brought it up to Lori and she sent Glenn to get a test. And then she took it.. And she's.." I sigh heavily. "She's pregnant."

When I open my eyes, I see the turmoil in Rick's eyes. He was wondering why I was the one telling him. Why Glenn and I already knew everything.

"She doesn't want to tell you because.." I inhale sharply.

How do I say this one?

How do I even try to bring this to light?

Rick loved Lori. He loved Shane. And they..

"Because it might be Shane's."

For a split second, I thought I blurted it out. But, my mouth hadn't moved at all.

"What?" I ask.

"She hasn't told me because it might be Shane's," Rick repeats.

My knees almost buckle from how tense I was.

"Shit," I curse.

Rick isn't stupid. hell, I already had the suspicion that he knew because he wasn't stupid.

"I couldn't keep trying to hide it," I deny. "I told Lori that I was telling you. I'm sorry. I know it should've come from her. I'm sorry-"

"Hey," Rick calls, grabbing my shoulder. "It's okay. This isn't your fault."

"How.. How long have you..?" I wonder.

"Awhile. Nobody told me. I just.. watched. I saw it. I picked up on the signs."

"Signs?" I repeat.

"Their hesitation. The way they looked at me. Even how you looked at me," he says, leaning a bit to be closer to my height. "All the things they did.. somehow you looked the most guilty."

"I just.. it was wrong," I almost cry. "You.. You didn't deserve for them to.."

Rick pulls me into a hug. I sniffle and hide my face in his chest.

"It's all right," he assures, caressing the back of my head. "It's gonna be all right."

--

"Ow!" Glenn complains.

"I'm sorry!" I hiss. I push his head back toward the ground. "Stay still!"

I continue pouring water over Glenn's head, washing out the raw egg.

After I spilled the secrets to Rick yesterday, Glenn decided to spill the secret of the walkers in the barn today.

Maggie, as seen by the raw egg in Glenn's hat, eyes, and hair, didn't like that very much.

"I get that egg is supposed to be good for your hair, but damn," I note.

Glenn shakes his head a bit and exhales to get the water out of his face. "Yeah, well.. don't tell other people's secrets."

"You did what you thought was right," I support.

"Was it? I mean.. Maggie is pissed. Like, super pissed."

"Maggie seems to have a tendency of being pissed," I note. "Snapping on Lori, snapping on you. Are we sure she's not the pregnant one? How long ago was your little pharmacy run?"

"Not funny."

I make a face. "It was a little funny."

"Would you have done it?"

"Probably. I couldn't keep it from Rick any longer. I doubt I could keep a dangerous secret a secret for too long."

"Hershel thinks that they're sick. His wife and stepson.. they're in the barn. Others too, but.."

"Jacqui thought that we had to put the walkers down to end someone's pain," I recall. "I can't imagine that being true and just.. torturing someone like that. Keeping them alive."

"He thinks there'll be a cure."

"Didn't Rick tell him that we were at the CDC?"

"I think so. But, he still believes there's a cure. I don't know," Glenn sits upright.

I hand him a towel and he dries his eyes and hair.

I think about the group all going to the barn and checking it out a bit. Shane and Daryl almost got into a big fight over Sophia. Shane doesn't think Sophia is still out there. Daryl thinks we're right on her trail.

"We're totally fucked in all this, huh, Oppa?" I wonder.

"One thousand percent," Glenn says and leans back in his chair.