Better Off Away (BOOK 2)(Wattys2016)

I Keep Silent And I Dream

I look down at my plum-colored graduation gown and beam, beyond proud of myself for making it to this day - to my high school graduation. Not only have I survived high school - I've thrived in it. I'm class Valedictorian. My dreams are coming true and the next one to come is moving to the City.

There's a light knock on my door. "Come in." I call, knowing it's probably my mom or step dad.

My mother opens the door, holding the golden sash that I have to wear draped across my shoulders, signifying me as the Valedictorian. "Here you go, darling."

I smile at her and lay the sash over my shoulders. "Thanks, mom."

"We should probably get going. Don't get nervous and forget your speech." She reminds me, a smile tugging at her ruby lips.

"I've got a back-up copy on my phone just in case I do forget it, but thanks, Mom." I grab the speech off my desk.

"Macey?" She lays a hand on my shoulder and I find myself looking into her pale blue eyes. Same as my eyes.

"Yeah, Mom?"

"I'm very proud of you..." Tears glisten across her yes and somehow I know what she's about to say. "Your father would be proud too."

I feel my throat become dry and I can't think of anything to really say back to her.

Clementine colored walls, hospital smells, limp hands.

My dad passed away fourteen years ago when I was just four years old. He died of cancer and it was a shock to everyone when he was diagnosed, but not when he died. It got to the point where we knew he was beyond hope. The doctors didn't even hide it in a lie.

My mother remarried when I was five. She married one of my father's college friends, Ryan Littlefield, and he became my dad. I even took his last name and he adopted me the same day they were married. I was afraid I'd be forgotten, especially when, one year later, my brother Holden was born.

The first time I held my brother I can remember his dark eyes fluttering open. They were so calm and steady. His thin little fragile fingers latched onto mine and I knew I'd like being an older sister, but I didn't want to be forgotten.

But obviously I was not forgotten by my mother or my dad. Ryan still treated me like I was his own flesh and blood - to this day still, he is my dad.

"Thanks, Mom... Thank you for letting me do this intern program in New York. I know you were looking forward to having me home during the summer."

She shakes her head, her blonde hair - so unlike my own dark chocolate locks - shaking slightly. "Nonsense... I'm proud of the fact you got accepted into such a prestigious program." She pauses, the smile faltering some as she lays a hand over one of my own. "Have you told the girls yet?"

I shake my head, my eyes cast down. I should have told Olive and Gemma the moment the letter arrived, but instead, I've put it off. "No... I haven't found the right time... or place... or words, really."

"It's okay, hon. I know it's hard for you. Just remember that you can't always please everyone. And if they love you, they'll support you, no matter where life may take you."

***

When we arrive at the school, where the graduation is taking place, I bid my family farewell and join my friends who are waiting in the room the graduates have to sit in before the ceremony. Graduation is actually taking place outside on the football field, but not for another thirty minutes.

Olive stands with Dean, Eddie and Clive who are with Gemma and Larkin. I smile at everyone and Eddie gives a whoop, motioning to my sash. Gemma looks up at Larkin and kisses his cheek, whispering into his ear. Larkin smiles, giving her nose an Eskimo kiss. God, they're cute together.

I haven't been the luckiest in the love department. All the boys I've dated have been brief and too in-love with me. I never wanted commitment in high school, I just wanted a good time. All the guys who came after me seemed to want the opposite.

But when I am ready for commitment I want someone to love me the way Larkin loves Gemma.

Larkin clears his throat, biting down on his lip ring slightly. "Um, Gem and I have something to announce."

My eyes widen mockingly. "Oh, God, you're eloping! No! She's pregnant!"

Gemma rolls her eyes, a blush lighting her cheeks. "Mace, please, let him finish."

"Yeah," Clive says, rolling his eyes dramatically. "I've been waiting to hear this for an hour. They've kept me in suspense."

Larkin continues, "Gemma, as you all know, is moving to France at the end of August and leaving everyone behind. However... I am now going with her."

The excitement between the two of them is palpable and contagious. And me? I'm excited for them. I knew Gemma was nervous about going by herself and it was going to be torture to be away from her brother Clive and boyfriend Larkin - the two most important guys to her. Having Larkin with her will not only keep her steady, it will inspire her as well.

"What will you do while you're there?" Dean asks after clapping Larkin on the back. Their relationship has been weird - Dean and Larkin's. They have slowly morphed into a subtle understanding of each other and dare I say... Friendship?

Larkin shrugs. "Well, I'm going to take some writing courses, but I also hope to get a job there. I don't really know yet. We'll see when we get there, I guess."

This is it. This is when I should tell them my big news. I should tell them that I'm leaving in a week and that I won't be back until Thanksgiving, should all of my plans turn out the way I've dreamt of them.

But I don't tell them. I keep silent and I dream of the day when I'll board the plane that will take me away.

•••

A/N: Alright, so let me know what you think!!!

On the side is a picture of Emily Rudd who is Macey... In case you forgot.

Love always, Samantha <3