Better Off Away (BOOK 2)(Wattys2016)

Not Broken But Torn

To say the car ride that follows is quiet would be a drastic understatement. It is so deathly silent that I'm afraid you can hear my erratic heartbeat, but maybe that's just the guilt getting to me. As the awkward tension thickens, I pull out my phone trying to distract myself as best as possible.

I text Gemma, hoping she's not making out with Larkin or painting because then I won't get a hold of her. Thankfully she texts back right away.

Gemma: What's up, girl?

Me: I'm in a terribly awkward car ride with Jack

Gemma: :/ oh man - how awkward is "terribly"

Me: Complete silence... and it's all my fault

Gemma: where are you going on a Saturday at such an early hour?

Me: Oh, shit, I forgot the time difference. What is it there?

Gemma: Seven, but that's alright. Larkin's taking me on an "adventure" today *eye roll*

Me: Oh, Lord. Wth does that even mean?

Gemma: *another eye roll* idk that's what he told me. I'm supposed to wear comfortable shoes and clothes.
Me: that doesn't mean sweat pants, Gemma.

Gemma: *awkwardly looks to floor* you know me so well

Me: Shit, Gem, Jack just looked over at me and he looks so pissed

Gemma: Just snog him and get the sexual tension out of the way

Me: GEmmA! Omygosh

Gemma: Hey... just saying what's probably true.

Me: We're in the City... I'll say goodbye. Have fun on your "adventure" xo

Gemma: Best of luck - love ya xo

I slide my phone into my pocket, a smile now on my face. Gemma has that effect on me. She's always there to have a good laugh or cry depending on my mood. I hear Jack scoff as he pulls into a parking garage.

I look at him, eyebrows raised. "Yes?"

He shakes his head, casting a disgusted look at where my phone rests in my hand. "Happy texting conversation? Who is he? Your next conquest?"

I take in a sharp breath, anger simmering up. How can he accuse me of that kind of thing when he's clearly a player himself? "Jack, don't start pointing fingers."

He laughs humorlessly. "Just tell me, is it a guy? Is it Tom? I knew that bastard was after you."

I actually laugh - the thought of Tom liking me. And the fact that Jack is so completely jealous over it. "Uh, no it isn't Tom. If you're going to be such a jealous ass, I'll just tell you who is was. It was Gemma."

I'm not sure why I'm talking to him as if nothing happened between us. Things clearly did happen. Words were exchanged and hearts were torn - not broken, but torn. You can't break a heart that isn't in love. Things may seem broken but they aren't - they can still be mended. You can only tear an un-in-love heart. At least, that's what I know from personal experience.

Jack looks away, out of the window as he stops the car, letting it idle. "Why can't I just... Damn it, Sweetn - Macey." He corrects himself halfway through the endearment.

I feel that stitch of guilt ride up in my heart at his hesitation. "Jack, please. What happened to "letting it be"? Maybe we can be friends?"

Jack turns back to me, his eyes filled with something somber, but heartbroken - heart torn. "I can't be your friend. And... I don't think I can let it be. I lied. I just can't."

***

We meet up with the other interns and do the customary tourist things one does when one is in New York City: we go to the giant Tours R Us and ride the indoor ferris wheel, then we ride a little ferry boat out to view the Statue of Liberty, we buy New York style Pizza from a little shop. I get feta cheese with broccoli on my pizza and it is to die for. Finally, we take in Times Square, appreciating just how big the world really is.

Jack doesn't really talk to me, but I feel him watching me - a strange smirk on his lips. Almost, almost as if he's ready to play a game that he knows he'll win. His words from the car haunt me - I can't let it be. Does that mean... he's pursuing me?

We leave Times Square and stumble upon a huge farmers market overrun with produce and other amazing foods. I find myself pulling out my wallet as I find a stand that's selling macaroons. I start looking at all of the different flavors, unable to decide which ones I should get. I'm a sucker when it comes to macaroons. Olive's parents back home run a bakery and they would always have macaroons.

"Try the raspberry one." Jack says, standing beside me.

I jump at his sudden appearance, startled beyond my wits. "Oh, it's you. Raspberry?"

He nods. "The best. And the chocolate mint, trust me."

I look at him, an eyebrow raised, but he still has a smirk on his face. He doesn't even seem angry. I quickly purchase the macaroons, two of each of the flavors he mentioned. I hand him one of each and he frowns for a moment.

"I could have bought my own, you know." He informs me.

I shrug. "I guess it's an apology for being so rude."

He smirks. "Does that mean you'll kiss me?"

I roll my eyes. "Why aren't you mad at me, Jack? I told you, I'm not pursuing you. I'm pursuing my dream." The words feel slick coming out of my mouth. It's true - what I say, but at the same time I feel so manipulative.

His smirk grows. "Oh, Sweetness, I can't stay mad at you when I know I'll find any way to make me and your dream one in the same. I'll find a way."

I feel my stomach drop. Did the contract really work? No... not yet, but I think it is working. And that scares the hell out of me. I want to put the brakes on the operation, but I know it's already too late. I'm spinning out of control and soon, everything will hit the fan.

I swallow the guilt down and bite into my raspberry macaroon. "Mmm," I say, loving the flavor and ignoring my guilt, "this is really good."

He bites into his own. "Told you - I'm right. I'm right about a lot of things."

I look sideways at him, knowing he intends for that statement to have double meaning.

I have never hated myself more than I do in this moment.

•••

A/N:

Please vote! I really appreciate it when you do and thank you so much for your support!

Love always, Samantha XO