Chase You

01; feeling shameful

Kyle did a big favour for me and came by my university to help me move my stuff. His flat in London wasn't too far from here, and he was heading back home next weekend anyway, so he just brought it one week forward instead.

Box after box, we loaded all of my stuff into his boyfriend's car. He hadn't brought his own car because it wasn't big enough to put all of my things in. His boyfriend had a Jeep, so it was all good.

It was when I flicked off the lights to my empty room that I felt kind of doubtful. Just slightly, not a lot. It was normal in a situation such as this, I guess.

Kyle jumped into the drivers seat and I made sure all of my most important things were in my rucksack before sliding into the passenger seat and belting up.

I wasn't as close as I used to be to some of my friends, like Zach, who was once my best buddy. He and I didn't talk as much now, and we were both getting on with our own lives so it was difficult to meet up. Our university schedules were always clashing,

"Ready?" He looked over to me and I nodded vigorously, feeling a little shameful about being excited to see my sister and dad but not my stepmother. Kyle started the ignition and we were off in a heartbeat.

We stopped for a small meal at a service station and caught up. He was telling me about some of the new plans that he's added on his bucket list, meanwhile, I thought about my own. What did I want to achieve? Could I even achieve?

"I'm hoping to get married by twenty-five and adopt at thirty." He grinned, "might even get a surrogate if Will doesn't mind. I'd like to see mini Kyle's running around."

I snickered as I bit into my burger, "wow, Kyle. What if your boyfriend wants to see mini Will's instead? Are you just going to share a surrogate? Have her pregnant twice for your needy ass?"

"Hey, my ass is not needy." He stuck his tongue out of his mouth and finished his chips. "What do you want to do in the future?"

I stayed silent for a few moments, really thinking hard about that question as if it was matter of life and death. "I want to move to London but when I'm much older... And married, or just in a stable relationship." Perhaps the bustling city was the right place for me.

"That seems like a nice idea. Perhaps Will and I could visit you and your partner, or we could buy a house together! How awesome would that be?" Kyle clapped his hands excitedly.

"Ha, well, Kyle. Thing is, me and my partner probably wouldn't want to hear moans and other sex noises through the wall all the time. Or baby's crying, for that matter."

He pursed his lips, but you could tell he wanted to laugh. He was guilty, he knew I was right.

We threw our rubbish in the bin and grabbed a few bottles of soda to drink in the car. We were only an hour and a half away from home now and I was bursting with giddiness at the thought of heading back home.

"Your cute guy friend told me you were in those moods again." Kyle suddenly perked up as he reversed out the car park spot and joined the motorway again.

He was probably talking about Wyatt. Goddammit Wyatt....

"Uh, yeah." I scratched the back of my neck. When I was in those moods, I didn't really give a toss about my actions, but when the medication works and I don't feel so down, I feel like I didn't recognise myself when I was in 'that mood'.

It's like being amnesiac and finally gathering some memories, but it's not at the same time. My thoughts are just clouded most the time, but they finally clear up a little within a few days.