Chase You

26; the trophy of adulting

Kicking off the new year with an update!! Happy new year everyone! Xx

"I knew my baby would win!" Karen kissed Casey's forehead for the umpteenth time and like every time, she pulled away with a grimace on her face.

It's funny - when we're young, we would do anything for the attention of our parents, we could be anywhere, even in front of our friends or the entire school, we just wouldn't care.

Then we'd get older, we'd all of a sudden distance ourself from our parents, at least that's what I did. We'd hate any kind of affection, worried that anybody could be watching, even when you're in your own home.

Although, when you're older than that, around my age I guess, we'd regret the times we spaced ourself out. We'd be stuck, living independently, thinking of our parents every step of the way. Every small thing reminding us of our parents.

When I was in university, I thought I could cook, but I really couldn't and every day, when I would make my meals, I'd just be thinking about mother, she was an incredible cook and she taught me a few tricks, but my knowledge is still limited. I still don't know how long I should be boiling pasta for.

I didn't think university would be so difficult, I didn't think of myself to be the type of person that's so dependant on their friends and family, I had always thought of myself as being independent, but I'm not. Nobody can be so independent so suddenly after being suffocated by other people for years and years.

So when I look to Casey, I really do wonder why exactly she doesn't want Karen's love and affection.

I mean sure, she's in that phase, but we're at a dessert lounge where nobody knows her apart from the people at this table. If I were her, I'd be relishing in all the attention I'm getting.

"-cream is melting." I heard in my ear, getting pulled back to reality.

I snorted, "what?"

"Your ice cream is melting." Ben motioned to my sundae, which indeed, was dripping all over the table.

I looked around the table, it looked like everyone was already halfway through theirs, except for Ben, he's just a slow eater. What a weirdo.

"Oh." I murmured, leaning forward and grabbing my spoon.

I took a spoonful in my mouth, but I was really feeling it. I mean, I was super happy about Casey's group winning and going to the big leagues, but my mind was far too calculating right now, I had so many thoughts, lots of opinions, lots of discussions, inside my head.

University was a bit tricky without my dad being there to wake me up every morning, remind me to do my homework before dinner and tell me to put my phone away before bed.

Each night, I'd be sure that tomorrow will be a completely new day where a completely new me comes out and acts independently and achieves 'adulting' but that day never comes, I'd never feel the smooth plaque on a trophy that tells me that I've mastered adulting, because I haven't, I still need people to depend on, I still need to have my parents there.

Maybe that's the reason I dropped out, not because I wasn't enjoying my course, but because I wasn't enjoying the freedom I craved for when I was Casey's age.

I took a few more spoonfuls of ice cream in my mouth, my appetite was there, but my brain was else where.

Or more primarily, on Ben.