I awake at this room.This room feel so empty without him.I lay on my bed.This bed remind me of him.We sleep together on this bed.But what i was staring right now is just nothing.I know him for 7 year.He know me well.My life feel so empty.My soul is dying.His death also took half of me.
I sit at the bed corner.Remembering all the moment when i was with him.
He come on my graduation day.He bring me flowers.I still remember he was standing there with a bouquet of flower in his hand smiling at me.My parents was not there because they had a business trip.
He bring me to amusement park.The place i really want to go.But i can't because my parents was too busy to bring me there.I have fun with him there.I only know he use most of his saving to bring me there the next day.He pay without saying anything eventhough his money is not that much.My parents are rich but he never ask for money from me.He is also a good listener.How i miss to be with him.
When i wake up in the morning and watching him cooking breakfast and mumbling.When he scold me for just sit without doing anything.When he scold me for talking when he was talking with the dongsaengs.When he yell at me because i was eating his food.
But anger and disappointment start to control me.I pull the bed sheet and throw it.I kick everything on the floor.The room that was neat just now has turn to be like a hurricane just barge in.I had a mental breakdown.I scream my heart out untill i lose my voice.
I take gasoline from the store and enter my room.I locked the door.
I start pouring the gasoline all over my room.Suga burn the room.The fire start to spread in the room.He lay on the bed calmly.
"Namjoon hyung, you need to home quick, Suga hyung.."
"What's wrong with Suga hyung?" Namjoon ask inpatiently as V voice sound like he was in trouble.
"Suga hyung..,he take gasoline from the store,i knock his room but, he was not answering, he lock his door,pali was hyung,come home, i'm scared"
"I'm on my way with Jungkook".
There was a swift knocking on the door.I ignore it and close my eyes.The door knob was shaking.Suga clothes has drenched with sweet. The room filled with smoke.
"Suga hyung! Suga hyung!open this door!please open this door!Dont do something stupid! Hyung!Hyung!"Someone was calling my name and keep knocking on the door. But i choose to ignore him.I know that voice.I open my eyes again.But,my vision start to blur.I stand up but lost my balance.
Someone manage to break the door and barge in.Namjoon take the fire extinguisher and turn off the fire.Suga fall on the floor and his eyes closed.Jungkook was shaking him but he was unconscious already.
I awake at this weird place.Everything is white.I blink my eyes a few times to get a clear vision.I was laying.I look up and saw double fluorescent lamp.
I was wearing oxygen mask.Then,i realised i was at a hospital and still alive.I look beside me and saw Jungkook and Namjoon sleeping.I sit on the bed and take the oxygen off.I cough a little and Jungkook has awake.
"Hyung, you awake"Jungkook look at me with a sleepy face and rubs his eye.He ran his hand through his hair.
He look at me with a sober face then start to yell.
"What the hell are you thinking hyung?What the hell are you doing?You want to die?Then what about me?Did you know how worry i was when i saw smoke coming out from your room, you are not answering and lock the door.You was laying on the floor and your room was burning!!."
Jungkook start to cry.He squat while buried his face in his hand.Namjoon was awake after hearing Jungkook yells.
The room was silent for a moment.
"Are you stupid?You so selfish!You think only you was sad?All of us was sad with his death.All of us feel his loss!Say something! Don't look at me with that look!"Jungkook yells again then sobs.He walk towards me then shake my shoulders."Get back to your senses!Don't leave me!I can't lose another person i love".He step back.
I was looking at Jungkook with 'i'm sorry,my mind been possesed' look.His words bring me back to reality.
Namjoon walking towards me and ask if i'm ok.I only nod.
Jungkook give me a quick glance"Mianei".He bow then run out from the room while wiping his tears.
"Suga hyung!Don't do that again!"Namjoon was hugging me."No matter how painful it was please bear it,don't act like this".I could feel my shoulder start to damp ,but i dont hear he cry."Please don't do that again,it was so hard for me to bear this alone,let's bear this pain together,it leave a big scar to our heart, but please bear it,i will try to make everything better again,but please don't do like this again"."Jebal"
V was coming in,but standing stiff.
He was crying too.Namjoon step back and keep his head low as he realised V has come.For the first time i saw Namjoon cry.He never cry in front of me or all of us.He give me a quick bow leaving me and V in the room.
V was looking at me with unreadable expression.I look at him.Then give me a quick bow and leave me alone in the room.
A nurse was coming in.She gave me a smile.I smile at her again, then look at the floor.She write something on the report card."Min Yoongi sshi, the doctor said you can discharge today"then she take out the IV drip at my hand.She smile at me again."You had a good friend, you are so lucky to have them,your friend with earrings carry you on his back and look so worry, he wait you for the whole night".It must be Jungkook.She go out while pushing the trolley.
His face look swollen just now.He must have cry a lot.I enter the toilet to change my clothes.I see my reflection on a mirror.My face look so pale.
What had i done?Yeah,i lose my mind for a while.
Namjoon come in to fetch me.I was about to go out from the room. "Hyung,let me carry your bag"Namjoon take my bag and carry it on his shoulder.Jungkook was here too but he look cold.His eyes was swollen.He walk behind me.I could feel he was staring at me but he remain silent.
Jungkook open the car door and push me in softly.His mouth was shut.He don't look into my eyes.He put the seat belt on me.Then he close the door.Jungkook sit beside me at the back as V was sitting with Namjoon at the front seat.He put on his earphone and close his eyes.He look outside of the window.
Namjoon was driving the car,but this car remind me of Jin and it feels like he still there eating chips while driving."We don't have enough money to buy another car,and i don't have the heart to sell this car"Namjoon look at me from front mirror.It was like he know what i was thinking.
I saw something drip from Jungkook chin and fall on his jeans eventhough he was wearing hoodie.It looks like a water.Is he crying?.He must feel down.His hyung was acting strange and stupid."Jungkook, are you mad at me?".Jungkook didn't response to my question.I guess he was really mad.
We have arrived home.Jungkook get out from the car immediately,but he don't enter the house.Namjoon chase him.V help carry my bag and unlock the door house.I enter my room.I could still see a few burnt at the carpet.But,the room was neat already.And the bed also has a sheet.
"They try so hard to fix this room" V come in and put my bag on the bed."Don't do things like that again hyung" V get out and close the door.
I lay on this bed again.I hope you are not dead.I close my eyes.
V was coming inside the room. "Hyung,come down and eat".
Four of us was sitting at the table.But,none of us start eating and it was so silent.All four of us only let out a deep sigh.I start to eat.It was hard for me to swallow the food.It feel like i was swallowing a stone.Jungkook still don't look at me.
"Jungkook ah.. "
"I'm full already".Jungkook has left the table.
I have hurt him.
