Never Look Back

Chapter 19: I'm really sorry

I snapped up out of my bed and looked around the room noticing it is dark outside, Logan was fast asleep beside me. I looked at the alarm clock on my bed stand, it is 4 in the morning! I rolled over and got up out of bed and walked down the stairs to the kitchen. I grabbed a glass of water and walked to the living room, it was really quiet. I put the TV on and picked the MTV channel on, I am not normally a big MTV fan but there is nothing else on. I sat there just looking at the TV change to different things.

"Why are you up so early?" Logan asked walking down the dark steps. I didn't answer I just turned back to the TV, "ok I get it you're upset and you don't want to talk or anything but I have to already know you are ok" he sounded so sad, scared, and all around nervous. "Please just answer me, shake you're head yes if you are ok, shake you're head no if you're not ok" I processed this in my head Hefner shaking my head no. He sighed and walked over to me, turned the TV off and sat down beside me, "you're not going to talk so I am" I let out a deep sigh before he began. "I'm not giving up on you, you're going to be fine and you're going to be back to normal. It may take 4 years but I will get you back to yourself" he laughed said 4 years, but I didn't budge.

"Ok so that didn't work.. ok what about the day we started settling into the apartment, when you almost spazzed on the guy because their was only one bedroom" he laughed at himself thinking of all the different things that happened before hand. "So that didn't work either, what can I so to help you out? Just let me know and I will do anything for you" I waited a few seconds "leave me alone" was all I said before I got up and walked out the back doors, I sat down on the door step and looked up at the stars. I haven't ate anything since Ginger and Jacky force fed me and I still spit it out, they thought I would eat later today but I just slept and stayed in my bedroom.

I pulled out my phone and looked at some pictures from before this all happened, I just started to become happy but nope that can't happen. There is a picture of Logan and I that our neighbors took of us after we found out about the baby, he was bent down to my belly's level and was talking to the baby, I was smiling and looking down at Logan. It was a really happy moment and I am going to miss having him hold my stomach and talking to the baby. I set that picture as my background and then moved to the grass, I laid down and thought about my mom when a flashback struck me...

"Mom when I have kids I am going to name them after you and they are going to be just like you" my mom looked at me with her beautiful green eyes. "Hunny I hope they end up just like you" she leaned down kissed me on the cheek and then got up and moved to my dad. "You will not be having kids for a very very long time" my father said smiling at both my mother and I. "Dad I want kids when I am twenty years old" both of my parent laughed at me and smiled at each other. "Hun you will realize one day things aren't going to be the same. You are going to have kids and you are going to be an adult. There are challenges you will have to face and right now you just need to stick with you're childhood. It's not going to be long before you are old enough to have you're own kids. Just please don't try to rush to get older"

I never took that to heart, and she was right about every single word of it. I rushed my childhood and I am regretting every second of it. I always thought I am going to grow up and have 5 kids and marry a prince and have a big house. My mom was always one to tell me to stop rushing things, but I never stopped. Now I am sitting here and I lost my first child, Logan started doing drugs again everything is going wrong again.

I let a river of tears fall down my face, my mind went blank. I stared at the stars in the dark blue sky, and just let my mind go blank. I laid there on the bright green grass and waited for the moment when Logan would come out of the house and carry me inside. That time came sooner than I thought because I was laying there and I heard the door open and a semi buff guy pick me up, "Logan" I said while we were on our way inside "yeah?" He questioned. "I'm really sorry" he shook his head in a no rhythm "no, don't be its not you're fault. You're upset and scared and angry all at the same time" I looked up at him and kissed him passionately on the lips. He gladly kissed back, before we know it we are in the bedroom and he was taking off my blue flannel shirt and my black shorts.

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Hello.. it's me again

So I decided on an update!

I hope you liked it!

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Also thanks for the reads.. it means alot!!

Love you
Gracey