Zane's Second Chance (Minecraft Diaries' Fanfiction)

Chapter 22

Zane's POV:

I am in complete turmoil and I honestly have no idea why.

Watching Garroth and Xandra interacting together hurts. Deep. Feelings are not subjects that I thrive in. Every now and then, my emotions go up and down, turning into constant mood swings that kept me up at night plenty of times, sending worrying thoughts swarming in my head.

Why am I here? How am I important? Why am I still embracing life like this? Why am I loving again when I killed the two people that loved me? Do I deserve a life like this?

Do I deserve to be loved again?

I know the answer is a "yes". It has to be a yes, I tell myself every time I head out into the night, a dirty black cloth in replacement for my mask. Or else, I wouldn't be here. Then, that would just bring up another question that stumps me every time- Why am I here and not at O'khasis?

"How do you make the bed move like that?" Garroth asks, pointing to the hospital bed in a fascinated way. He's inside the room along with Xandra- alone. Kirsty decided to drag Sunny away to make sure that she doesn't squeeze poor "Gar-Gar" to death and Gerald decided to talk to his mother a bit about his sister's health condition. As for me, I'm sitting on a chair right next to Xandra's room, hoping to not be noticed by any of them, to hear their conversation. The dirty cloth covers my mouth from the strangers working here. Call me an eavesdropper, but I've been doing this since I was a child. It's one of my specialties.

Xandra smiles, showing Garroth a little device that seems to be connected to the hospital bed somehow, because when she presses a button from the object, the front side of the bed moves slightly up! It's fascinating, really, how you can control an object without anything connected to it.

"Interesting," Garroth mumbles under his breath, his eyes shining like the sun's rays. I've never seen that look before on his face- one filled with curiosity and wonder.

"I absolutely love the fact that you have that curious look on you whenever you see a piece of technology that you find interesting."

I cringe at that sentence. Curse you, Xandra, for reminding me, yet again, how alike Garroth and I are. I hate it when she's right.

Xandra giggles at his expression, straightening herself on the bed before continuing to talk to Garroth like they were long-time friends. Garroth doesn't seem to mind, smiling at everything she says good-naturedly.

Something in my heart pangs and crumbles, leaving me more confused than I ever was. After years of being able to block out certain emotions, it's hard to recover from the blankness of the world. I don't understand this feeling. I'm definitely hurt, but I feel like there's more to it than that. Perhaps uncertain. Confused. Angry. Sad, even?

Xandra starts laughing at something Garroth says, clutching her stomach while trying to sit straight on the bed. She never acted this comfortable with me when I first came into this world. We were like complete strangers to each other, almost enemies. It took us a long time to get to where we are now. I know she has some problems with trusting people, especially boys, so why is she so comfortable with my brother instead of me...?

"Jealously and anger can be a Ro'meave's greatest downfall. Do not let it get in your head."

That's when it hit me. The pang, the crumbling, my mood swing. It's not anger, it's- jealousy. I'm jealous of Garroth for being so at ease around Xandra when I can barely form a word in front of her. Mother of Irene. Why didn't I place the pieces together earlier? Then I wouldn't have made such a big fool of myself in front of everyone.

Hearing her laugh again, I take careful note of her sparkling emerald green eyes and how they sparkled like there were the stars in them. Her laughter sounds like there is no tomorrow. Her curly hair is tied up in a messy braid as if hastily done.

In a way, she looks just like Raven.

Not just her looks, but her personality. Sure Raven was more out-going and loud mouth than Xandra, but they both had this aura about them that told many lengths- even if hell broke through, they weren't going to die without a fight.

Garroth loved Raven as a second sister, sword-fighting together to which Garroth almost always won in every round. Besides myself, they were the tightest of friends anyone could have ever met. Perhaps he also realized the similarities between the two and instead of showing his shy, secretive side, he seems more out-going, the type of boy he was before they died.

Oh no, Mother of Irene...

My heart starts thumping faster and faster, sweat slowly dripping from my forehead. Thump, thump, thump, slap. My hands collide with my pants, sending severe pain up my legs. But the pain doesn't help as it did before in my dark times. Now, it just builds up the tension. Thump, thump, thump, groan. I lean my head against the wall, taking in three deep breaths as the realization of the obvious finally comes into mind.

Oh, my Irene, Garroth still doesn't know that I killed them.

That's why. The reason behind everything that I'm feeling right now. Damn, mother of Irene... My brain feels like it's cracking into two. Splintering and tearing apart. A haze of red flash in the corners of my eyes as a familiar crackled laugh echoes in my severe brain.

Ha, ha, ha, ha... Poor you, Ro'meave. Poor, poor you. First Xandra and now you...

Thump, thump, thump, breath. Thump, thump, thump, groan. Thump, thump, thump-

Crash.

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A/N: And this is ZSC Chapter 22 for you all! X3 It's short, I know, but I actually like it. The way Zane is trying to piece out his feelings towards Xandra and his brother and the ending... :O Let's just say I'm proud of myself. *triumph voice*

Oh, and Happy Easter, everyone! Fun fact- my friends call me "Easter" sometimes so they're teasing me about being the Easter Bunny....

That's all for today, you guys. Remember, I love you all and I'll see you guys later! Buh-bye! ^ ^