Broken Melody

Melody

As soon as we got home I ran upstairs into my bedroom. My anxiety was started to go off and it was making me pace the floor. Running my hands through my hair I tugged it to the point on where it started to hurt. I needed to feel pain and not in the way that you would think. Going to my suitcase. I went in the small pocket pulling out my blade. Hiding it in my sleeve I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me and turned on the shower.

When the water was hot enough I stepped in and let it run down my back. After a few second, I sat on the floor and put the blade on my thigh. Dragging it across, blood started to drop mix with the water. I ran the blade three more times before I laid my head back just watching the blood get washed away. It has been about three years since I started cutting to help with the pain, it was like a drug.

You know that it is bad for you but you can't stop because you are addicted to it. There was a couple times where I cut so deep that it left scars. I have one running from my upper high to just about my knee. One across the middle of my thigh and one on my inner thigh.

They were the reason why I never wear short skirts or shorts anymore. It was never my plan to leave scars but when you are in pain like me. It doesn't matter how deep you cut. Standing up in the shower I made it seem like I took a long shower and then went to my room. Laying down in the dark, many thoughts rush through my head. It was almost shameful if you asked me, this pain that my father caused all these years ago is making me hurt myself. 'Til this day, I still can't tell you why he has this much hold over me. Rolling to my side I closed my eyes to get some sleep because something told me tomorrow was going to be a long day.

~

As I was rolling over to get more comfortable I hit something. Opening my eyes I came face to face with Evan, he was sleeping on his back with his arm behind his head. Giving a small smile, I gently took his arm and placed it beside him. Just because I'm still upset with him doesn't mean I want him to lose his arm. Getting out of bed I headed downstairs to find the house empty. Walking into the kitchen I found a note on the table.

Good morning, I hope you both had a good night sleep. Bo and I had to run to the store to get a few things, don't be afraid help yourselves to whatever we have in the house. -Catalina

Placing the note down my eyes zeroed in on the coffee pot. Coffee was life to me and I always loved starting the day with a fresh cup. After setting that up I looked around for something that would go good with coffee. They really didn't have much in the house so I placed the fact that they went shopping. About ten minutes later, I had eggs and toast made. It wasn't much but it was enough to get us through until lunch.

Sitting at the island I pushed my eggs around, my mind was on my thigh where I cut myself. I always felt this way after I cut, it made me hate myself more and more. I wanted to stop but didn't know how. The longest I've gone without cutting was about two weeks and a half, which just goes to show on how much help I needed. But the fear of being judged or even put in the hospital for it was stronger. As I blocked those thoughts out, my phone went off.

Ashton: Hey Lo, what are you up today?

My mood brighten when I saw his text, there was something about Ashton that always got me smiling. Placing my fork down I replied.

Me: Nothing, I was just going to stay 'home.' Maybe watch T.V. You?

Ashton: Why do you spell home that way? Maybe this one will work out...text me the address, I'll bring pizza.

Me: You had me at pizza! Lol.

After texting him the address I ran upstairs to change because I was still in my Pajamas. It was kind of embarrassing if you asked me. I had little bears on them and it's bad enough that Evan makes fun of me for them. Getting in my room Evan was still asleep making me roll my eyes, he always loved his sleep. He took the phrase. "Getting my beauty sleep" to a new level. The doorbell went off making me smile like I won the lottery and I rushed down the stairs.