Independent

Chapter 17: Bound

The days that followed dragged on slower than I ever thought. Kylo was ignoring me. I felt as I if I was completely invisible. He stopped going to training sessions and whenever I saw him he'd just walk straight past me. I still couldn't get why he was treating me like that. I thought we had become friends. But, it seems that I have misjudged him.

His vanity clouded his vision as well as his thoughts. It was controlling his mind slowly trying to possess him. The frightening part is that the process seemed to be working. He was slowly being drawn away from reality, his emotions slipping away from his grasp due to his vulnerability. His one and only focus fell on control and power. He seems to know that these are the things that will one day crush him, but he doesn't want to believe so, like a stubborn child willing to believe in the most magical creatures beyond the wildest of his dreams even though everybody tells him that Its not true.

After Kylo didn't bother to show up for a couple of days I started training myself. I started trying to practice new strategies on how to beat Kylo in a duel. Every single time I would come so close to beating him, but I would falter at the last second for some reason. He has to have a weakness.

As I counted the days that passed it became difficult to notice the wound on my side which seemed to be healing rather quickly now. I got stronger with every practice session I did. Nevertheless, I was just retrieving moves and fighting strategies that I had been taught in the past. It dawned on me that I could be just as powerful as Kylo. I could even be stronger. Is that what I want now?

The memories that I seemed to get every now and then, were haunting me every hour of the day not just once every once in a while. But the memories weren't only of those who I loved before I was found on Corellia, but after that too. I would be sitting on the chair in my room trying to corner myself away from the noises of the starkiller base only to be flashed by visions of Edd smiling at me the first time we met, shaking my hand friendly, or the sight of Castor pulling me up from the ground gently after I had fallen during training. Theses reminders overwhelmed me with homesickness. I was shadowed by the past from every direction.

Leia... I knew a woman called Leia. But, who is she?

The fragments of remembrances were like jigsaw puzzles that couldn't seem to fit in or connect in anyway. I was bound to forget about them and to distract myself in other things. But there wasn't much to do here anyway. Other than eat, train, and sleep. I hadn't even seen Gavin since our last encounter. The fear in this place hung heavily in the air. Not one person dared to show any other emotion. It only got lonelier for me.

I glanced up from the floor and wiped the blood that I had drawn out from biting my lower lip off from my chin. It was getting really late already. I can tell by the quietness outside my room. No heavy boots stomping outside and no sounds of the zapping blasters that planted terror in everyone's hearts. I tried tying my hair back only to have chunks falling back over my cheekbones. It was still too short ever since I was forced to cut it, or rather burn it, because of Kylo.

I slipped outside the room, skipping in the halls. This time knowing where I was going. All stormtroopers should be in their rooms by now. I let my heart and the force guide me until I found myself standing before Gavin's dormitory room. His stormtrooper number was printed on the door sign in white to be in contrast with the metal door. I placed one ear on the door really cautiously to check whether he was awake or not. To my surprise I heard very light footsteps coming from the other side. I retreated a few steps then knocked on the door quietly to avoid drawing attention from the neighbouring rooms.

Gavin slid the door open gradually. As soon as he saw me he gave sigh of relief, closing his eyes and opening the door widely to let me in. I got in nervously eyeing everything in sight, his room was even simpler and smaller than my own. He closed the door with a soft thud and looked at me waiting for some kind of explanation on why I came here.