Independent

Chapter 33:Restless

Despite all I've been through I couldn't get myself to sleep. I had the ragged blanket wrapped around my body peotectively and even though the holes and patches made it near impossible to feel any warmth I never felt more grateful. This blanket and hard backaching mattress were possibly the only thing she possesed and she gave it up willingly, a simple act of generosity that made oddly my anger resurface. She didn't deserve that life, she just wanted a family.

Instead they got pushed into a battle field they had no intention to get involved in. She had to watch it rip her family apart, first her son snatched away from her protection and love, then her husband who abandoned her and joined the resistance leaving her spineless and alone.

Eventually through the middle of the night, I heard shifting at the other end of the tight room. I tried to settle in place to avoid grabbing the attention of whoever was up. Soft whispers hid a conversation that demanded to remain a secret as Gavin and his mother chattered away.

"Mum, I can't look him in the face after he just left you here on your own, I don't know what I'll do," there was rage in Gavin's voice along with disappointment.

"Now you listen to me Quell, I am not justifying what your father did or saying it was the right thing to do, but after you left he wouldn't even look at my face. He stayed in his room the whole time blaming himself for what happened to you, saying that he should've been your guardian, that he should've fought harder," He's mum's voice was soft, and oddly comforting, it made me miss my mother, made me realise that I won't be having anymore of her goodnight kisses or the heart-melting hugs she used to give to me every now and then.

"then what?" Gavin hissed clearly dissatisfied by his mother's effort to set a right picture of his father.

"Then he went off to the resistance hoping that he might get help and he promised me to come back soon, to get our family back in one piece, you... you were our baby Quell, you're my baby," I felt her breaths get deeper and her heart racing. Her stiffled gasps made me sure that she was crying and in a way it was heart-breaking.

I wanted to carry Kylo and throw him on the floor screaming at him to look at what he has been helping. But part of me knew that he was driven into all of this because of his bloodline. He was a Skywalker after all since he was the son of Leia, and I knew that Hux was the one with the job of getting stormtroopers and recruiting him.

Gavin carefully rested his body next to mine on the bed. In a few seconds his light snores where the only sound in my ears and his breath so close to me it sent my hair all over my face.

I ran my fingers through my hair, by that time, I had gotten used to the fact that it was short now. It reminded me of Kylo, how strong he made me feel and how there were good times between both of us. In fact, almost everything reminded me of Kylo his impact imprinted on everyone and everything, especially Gavin, who would look lost and confused from time to time.

I turned on the bed so that I would face Gavin,sleep made him look carefree and calm like nothing in the universe or the galaxies could worry him. Edd was grunting in his sleep, the pain must've been unbearable, I should known that since I tried it out.

But Gavin's mother was out of sight She must've gotten out. Finally, I gave up on the idea of even napping and sprung myself out of bed. The freezing wind of the night sent chills coursing through my body, so cold I felt it all the way to my spine.

My arms hurdled against my chest automatically. I felt the hair at the back of my neck standing on its end. I beelined my way through the objects piled on the ground, as quietly as possible, to where the door was left open.

The weather outside was even more brutal, although the night seemed clear and the stars sparkled over my head. I found Gavin's mother sitting on a small bench placed right next to her hut. Her hands on her knees. I could almost hear her thoughts, I could tell from her face what she was thinking. Her son was finally back in her arms again, she wouldn't be able to lose him not again, and now that she knew he was a runaway from the first order she was thinking of how to save him this time.

I cleared my throat to get her attention and through shattering teeth said, "hello, would you mind if I um- if I joined you, I couldn't sleep".

"Yes sure dear, come here," she patted the bench with a soft smile on her face.

"Thank you Mrs...uh...Mrs...sorry I don't really know your name," I tried to fake a smile but I was absolutely a hopeless case.

Crap...crap...crap...
Way to go Mala you made the conversation awkward using only seven words, probably a new record right?

"It's Nora, Nora Reaper, and it's okay dear, you've been through a lot," Mrs Reaper's words were comforting, I bowed my head to the ground and tried to hide my pain, but I couldn't bury it forever, I knew I couldn't.

I shook my head repeatedly in attempt to shake off the dread, the grieve, the guilt and the sadness but it wouldn't go away. I felt the hot tears gathering dangerously waiting to spill. It felt a if the universe wanted me to suffer, I felt alone despite all the people surrounding me. If only this was a long deal nightmare, if only the world wasn't so cruel, if only people were selfless, if only there was more humanity. I could go on forever, but this was no paradise or a dreamworld. This was reality and you either turn your back to it or face it.

I rubbed my eyes to wipe off the tears hoping she wouldn't notice them, and stared at the royal blue sky, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"We did go through a lot but I had people who loved me protecting me, without Ga- Quell's help I would've been dead a long time ago, he's a real hero you know you should be proud".

"I am, but they turned him into a war machine a ruthless, emotionless one, I will burn down the first order for that and anyone who tries to hurt him or take him away from me again," the pure fury was pulsing through her whole body, boiling her blood, she wanted revenge and she wanted it served cold, "they stole his childhood".

"I don't want to bother you any longer. Tomorrow Edd and I will pack up and leave," I knew that if we'd stayed any longer we would eventually be recognised,"we just need to know where the resistance base is".

"I'd love to help,but I don't know where it is, however I do know someone who knows, he's always at a bar at the end of the town, but now we all need to rest it's really late," Nora got up and I cowered back into the hut. I tried to lay down as carefully as possible making sure I don't wake up Edd or Gavin, we were pretty squashed considering the fact that the mattress was made for two people only.

I was getting so close to my old life. My memories were still scrambled but I knew they would help me remember them in the resistance.
I trusted them.

There is no internet here what the heck I wrote all of this and just left it until I could finally upload it. Anyway hope the holiday is good for you guys :))