Falling Tears

Chapter 5

Jimin's POV

I walked around for some time. I had no idea how long. I didn't have my phone or my clock with me, but I figured out I would have to go back or otherwise Sumin and Jungkook would get worried. Thinking that enough had passed since I had cried and my eyes wouldn't be puffy, I walked down the street and stopped in front of my house. From the living room window I could see Jungkook and Sumin sitting on the couch, laughing. It made me wonder if I would ever have that. I wondered even though I already knew the answer, and that made me want to cry again.

I swallowed my feelings and walked to the door and opened it. Closing it slowly and soundlessly behind me, I tiptoed as quietly as possible past the doorway that led to living room.

"Jimin!"

Oh no. I abandoned the idea of tiptoeing and ran to my room. I closed the door behind me and leaned on it. I wasn't ready to face Jungkook.

"Jimin!" There was a knock on the door. "Open up."

I squeezed my eyes shut and cracked the door open just a little bit. "What?"

Jungkook didn't respect my privacy and pushed himself to my room. I closed the door because I didn't want Sumin to hear anything. Not that it would've mattered.

Jungkook turned around and eyed me from toes to head. "Where were you?"

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Walking around."

"At midnight when there's school tomorrow?" He didn't believe me and stepped closed.

I took a step back until my back hit the door. Why was he so close? "Yes?"

"Why?" He looked for emotions from my face carefully. I couldn't look into his eyes. He was too close... "Wait... JIMIN HAVE YOU CRIED?" He raised his hand and put it under my chin, making me look at him.

"No", I denied. I shook my head from his grip and walked past him. When I had some space I felt like I was able to breathe again.

Jungkook looked at me like he was trying to figure me out and I hated it. I didn't want him to do that. I didn't want him to know anything. How could he even know I had cried? I glanced at the mirror, which hung on the wall. Jungkook was right. My eyes were puffy and red. But how could that be? Then I realized. It's not that I hadn't waited long enough, it was that my mom had never cared if I looked like I had cried.

I knew the pain was visible on my face and that made Jungkook reach out to me. I backed off just like last time. This time he didn't follow me. He stood in the middle of the room and stared at me.

"Jimin..." he said and was about to continue.

"Don't", I whispered. I emptied my face from all the emotions and looked at him with straight face. "Just don't."

"Let me help. Tell me what's wrong. Was it because of my questions? Because I can stop asking." He looked so sad. He pitied me, and I didn't want that either.

I sat on the bed and looked at the floor. "It's not about your stupid questions, Jungkook."

I felt the bed bent and then a hand on my shoulder. I fought the urge to shake him off. "Tell me what it is, then. Maybe I can help!"

"You can't help!" I jumped up and screamed. I threw my hands up in the air in frustration and leaned on the wall. My body was shaking. I hadn't felt this bad in a long time. I didn't want Jungkook's help, how could he not see it? I just wanted him to leave so bad. I was tired and pulling myself together was hard, but when I succeeded, my voice was colder than ever. "Can you leave me alone?"

"No!" Jungkook touched my shoulder but I slapped his hand away.

"Don't touch me!"

"Why are you so angry? And hurt? Did I do something?" he asked, confused.

"No. Can you leave me now?" I dared him by looking into his eyes. It was a mistake. Pity. I didn't want to see that.

"Umm... Guys?" The sound snapped both mine and Jungkook's heads to the door. Sumin stood there, looking very uncomfortable. "Why are you yelling?"

I cleared my throat and spoke more quietly. "Your friend won't leave me alone."

"He's upset!" Jungkook claimed to Sumin.

"I'm fine."

Jungkook turned at me and seemed angry. "Your not!"

Sumin grabbed Jungkook from his arm and started to drag him out of the room. "He's probably just stressed and trying to get used to us."

"Yes." I nodded along. Jungkook rolled his eyes at me and I flashed him one of my fake smiled. Just get him out of my room, please...

Sumin got Jungkook out of the room and before she closed the door, she looked at me and smiled. "We'll give you some privacy, but soon he needs to go to sleep."

I nodded again and then mouthed 'thank you'.

She smiled again and exited.

Oh, thank God for ...Sumin. I didn't even know her full name.

I groaned and slid to sit on the floor, my head in my hands.

I wasn't doing great.

~

I calmed down surprisingly quickly. All I needed was a long shower to relax my muscles and time to get control of my feelings, which were all over the place. The quiet talking I heard from downstairs didn't bother much and I was so thankful for Sumin for getting Jungkook out of my room. Maybe my cousin wasn't that bad. I only hoped she didn't think I couldn't handle Jungkook on my own.

I fell on my bed in my boxers, ready to sleep, and pulled the covers on top of me. I hummed as I put my head on my pillow and started to drift to sleep.

I woke up to the sound of the door opening. Jungkook. At least he tried to be quiet. Well, he failed, but I appreciated the effort. He walked around the room and when he started to pull the shirt over his head, I turned in my bed and faced the wall. It wasn't that Jungkook changing in my room bothered me, it was that he didn't need to do that in front of my face. I didn't want to see if he had a perfect body because that was something I would never have. Mainly because I didn't care enough to try to get one... I had worked out a lot at some point but then realized I didn't want people to love my body. I wanted them to love me.

"Jimin?" Jungkook asked very quietly.

My whole body stiffened. I shut my eyes and didn't move.

I wasn't sure if Jungkook knew I was awake or not but he decided to talk again. "I'm sorry."

I wanted to ask what he was sorry about, though I didn't want to talk to him. So I stayed silent. I heard him getting to his bed and then nothing. I waited. Jungkook had to be exhausted for moving in and for fighting with me, I was sure he would fall asleep quickly. I waited some more. I waited for the talking to start. After all, it was the only thing he had warned me about.

But he stayed silent. The whole night.