Falling Tears

Chapter 42

A/N: I don't have any new ways for saying this but pleaseeee comment and vote <3

Jimin's POV

I couldn't sleep.

Everything kept racing in my mind wildly while I tried to keep up, without success. I was worried, scared and anxious at the same time. I truly couldn't know what Jungkook's dad was capable of – I had only ever heard one story, but that had been enough. He was a bad man, and there was no way I'd let him near Jungkook. I wasn't sure if he could change, if he would ever understand what he had done to his own son. But as long as he was a threat to my Jungkookie, I wouldn't let him near my baby.

All of this caused bad feelings to my stomach and heart, and I couldn't stop squirming in Jungkook's arms. I was trying to think other things, but my head hurt from all the bad stuff and it made me want to whine.

That was all before my stomach growled loudly, and I realized that it was the problem. This was why my thoughts were really messy.

And I wasn't the only one who saw a problem in that.

Jungkook, who I had thought was already asleep, tightened his hold around me. "Jimin..." he said quietly in a raspy voice. His breath tingled my neck and caused shivers run down my spine.

I swallowed, knowing I was in trouble already. "You're awake?" I asked lightly.

"Umm... Yeah?" He sighed. "I don't know how anyone could've slept though your wriggling. And... You're stomach is loud, Jimin. Why didn't you eat?"

Aaaaand we were back to the awesome guilt that took over my whole body. I could hear how it hurt him. But I didn't know what to say, since everything in my head was a mess and I was afraid of voicing any of my thoughts out loud. I was even afraid of having them, of really thinking about them. How could I have explained to Jungkook, how seeing him eat a lot (Jungkook said he was hungry but I'd rather call it stress eating) made me feel better about myself. It didn't make any sense, not really. It just made me feel like I was doing something right, that seeing other people made me somehow strong, just because I wasn't doing it.

Aish, so messed up.

I somehow knew these weren't my real thoughts. Somewhere inside my head there was a voice that kept screaming – someone had just pushed the mute button on him. The voice was silent and thus it was so hard to keep my right thoughts in track. It was impossible to me right now, with all these other heavy things in my mind.

But sometimes, at times like this when Jungkook held me against his chest, our hands linked together and his lips against my neck, I could hear him. The voice of reason. It was there. It had not disappeared, and as it brought me hope, it also made me scared.

Jungkook started to draw circles to my skin with his thumb and I remembered I had to answer. "I-I don't know..." It was weird saying that out loud and it made me feel so terrible, the voice of reason stuck under the bad voices. They told me I was doing this all wrong, that I needed to be proud of not eating. They told me to keep everything the voice of reason told me inside of me and not let people know it existed. They told me how Jungkook realized how fat I was when his thumb stopped its movements, while the voice of reason kept shouting how it was about him being just surprised in the back.

I wasn't sure whom to listen, so I didn't push his hand away but I pulled my stomach in a little, hoping Jungkook wouldn't catch the movement. I wanted to scream to myself that I was fucking stupid, but I couldn't because a part of me thought I wasn't.

"Jimin..." Jungkook let out and tapped my side. I turned around slowly, trying not to avoid his gaze but feeling my eyes escape his to the other side of the room. Jungkook pulled me closer, so close that our noses were touching. "Please tell me."