r u d o l p h

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"It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas." - It was on a t-shirt or something idk

DEDICATION: My Wattpad bae, aka circularities, for being such a stupendous human being and taking the time to read this story! I lava you very much <3

"Chipmuuuuunk!"

"I deduce from the high pitched whine, which was at a frequency of 215 Hertz and expelled twenty-three percent oxygen, that this is Mozzarella speaking. Not to mention the voice hitch at the end, which implied endearment and joy."

"You just made all that up, didn't you?"

"Maaaaaaybe."

"Have you been watching Sherlock again?"

"Series twelve just premiered, and it broke my heart twice over."

"I don't think Westerden Hospital treats chipmunks."

"I don't think they treat pizza toppings either."

"Do you like Pizza Hut? Cause I want to stuff your crust."

"Er, I actually cut the crust off my pizza, so that's kind of invalid."

"What the–? Chipmunk, you don't cut the crust off a pizza!"

"Watch me!"

"I'm so disappointed in you! And by that, I mean both your dismal way of eating pizza and your flirting expertise."

"Didn't I make up for my wrongdoings by decorating your birthday party?"

"You broke my Rudolph piñata!"

"Oliver was asking for it!"

"Now you're asking for it!"

"Why am I being blamed?"

"Because you weren't at my party!"

"I was there in spirit!"

"You were watching Friends reruns and snacking on potato chips, according to the housekeepers! I doubt you have any spirit left in you!"

"You're such a meanie! Happy belated birthday!"

"Boo hoo! Aw thanks, that means a lot!"

"I hate you! Did you like the streamers?"

"I hate you more! They were gorgeous, how long did they take for you to hang up?"

"Longer than it'll take for me to hang up this call!"

"Wait, what?"

"..."

"I need to go shove that boy into a wood chipper."

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