Diary Of A Hermit: Intimacy With GOD

Day 1 Arrival

6:45 am
I did not have the time to write last night.  I was a bit lazy, and I was still trying to make myself comfortable.   So grateful to my cousin, Kuya Dudz for picking me up, taking me out for lunch and for buying my immediate needs.  We got lost yesterday in trying to locate the hermitage.

My dear friend Fr. Gene Gilos, OMI, who is the responsible of this place just dropped by, we had a short chat.  He had to leave with his family to Cotabato to celebrate mass and give a retreat.  We will have more time, as I will stay here for one month.  He is still very kind and gentle, looks very young and serene.

9:00 am
I did not sleep really well. My cottage is very old and naked.  There is also a very big lizard moving around. Last night, it frightened me as it appeared at the corner, and the two eyes were just staring at me.  I have an almost open house, opened toilet and broken pieces everywhere.  But I am not discouraged at all.  Maybe I just find all the things very new to me.  It is also the first time after years that I am using a mosquito net.  It was a bit humid last night. But the worst thing that really disturbed me is the continuous rain, from evening till morning.  I am just a hand away to the roof and it was so noisy.

All these things are pretty normal as I am also having difficulties in the first three or four nights sleeping in a different place.  I will adjust very soon. I will get used to personal silence.  As of this time, I am very much attached yet to the worker-hermitines.  They are still a little bit talkative.  I was expecting a complete silence and for me on my own.  I will find my phase then in the next days to come.

I love the prayers, very simple and they just chant them.  I love the chapel too.  It is a bit modern but still very much hidden from bushes and trees.  It is still very bare, and I thought of painting something.  I still don't have the energy yet.  I still feel myself dragging and tired.

I feel that I am not doing a thing the whole morning. I was just in the chapel but did not concentrate much because of the heat and mosquitos.  It was a bit hot too.  I stayed silently in my room and tried to reflect something, but nothing entered my mind.  Am I feeling bored?  O my God, I still have the whole month in front of me! 

I am trying to avoid chatting with the hermitines, to respect their hora et labora, and also for my own good.  I prefer to be in solitude, only we are together during meal time, the time for chatting.  I will enter little by little into this system. So help me God!

3:28 pm
We had a very simple lunch today, vegetables with fish and the remaining dried fish this morning.  While we were eating, Gene arrived from mass, but he had to go back to their retreat house.  We had a good chat on the table, as he was sharing his case in the congregation of his solitary life. He said that he is not the only one in the congregation, but he is the only one in the Philippines.  He met a lot of persecutions and questions from his own confreres.  He suffered a lot, but along the way, the Lord was making His own steps.  Now they are very supportive to him.

I really find the serenity in his face.  He told me that there must be some more in my longing for solitude, that there are deeper reasons that I need to discover in my period of prayers.  As of the moment, my first day yet, and I feel like I am lost.  I don't know where to start and how to pray, though I always situate myself in prayer atmosphere all the time.  I love the way of life here, I love the simplicity and the peace and quiet.Lord God, unveil into my heart your deepest longings for me.

7:38 pm
We had our early mass, by 5:00pm.  It was my first time to say mass with them, very simple and silent and I love the atmosphere.  I shared my first impressions basing on the gospel today, the hard road to heaven compared to the wide and spacious road.  These people in the sanctum, though lay and poor, though they need good education and training, are excelling in holiness. Their dedication in following Jesus in this way is amazing.