Diary Of A Hermit: Intimacy With GOD

Guardians of our souls

I remember the retreat with Our Father General, Fr. Tesfaye, when he mentioned that we should be guardians of our souls.

In this moment of solitude, I feel that kind of responsibility, to be a guardian to my soul. I feel that solitude and silence brought me down to the ground, especially with the lifestyle here in D'Sanctum. There are a lot of expressions of abstinence, designed to stay in communion with the Lord. There is a lot of expressions of suffering (joyful suffering), sacrifices and letting go, especially with the absence of comfort.

My stay here created a lot of spaces in my heart and soul- to be like the simple Nazarene, the simple follower and simple disciple. I realized too that I could actually reach people even in my silence and let them stay with me. I feel that my soul has expanded its place and capacity to embrace everything and people who are far away from me.

It is like the digging of a well, every single day, the space gets dipper and wider. This moment in the Sanctum is giving me also a wider space of simplicity. I don't feel any craving for extra shirts. I am just contented of what I brought. In fact, I even gave some of them. This days are like my training ground, to live in simple and austere lifestyle, which is very much less travelled. God is showing His providence, as we mostly depend on the fruits of Mother Earth that are available in our surroundings.

I imagine this image of Jesus sitting down in solitude, looking at nature, overwhelmed by the work of creation. That image of a Solitary Jesus, sitting down under a tree, resting, reflecting and contemplating with a sense of awe! This is sometimes my feeling, great awe for what God has done in my life.

Silence and solitude were disciplines offered by Jesus Himself towards His disciples. At the end of hard work, He would always invite them to go to a deserted place in order to rest and pray. This is something that is lacking in my life in Manila- the proper time to isolate, to quiet myself and rest and pray. Unlike when I was in the mission, after a very heavy day's work, there is always time to be alone, to read and write and to be with myself, and mix with people again.

There is a great importance of silence and solitude, which by now, I realized I experienced anytime in the mission. I don't have to go out of the congregation. My life in a missionary country like Chikowa was very demanding but fulfilling because I worked so hard but also prayed a lot, wrote my reflections a lot in prayers. I have many spiritual-personal hobbies that slipped away from my life this time because of my busy lifestyle in Manila.