Diary Of A Hermit: Intimacy With GOD

Day 2 My Entrance to Solitude

4:48 am
There is a solitary (Henry David Thoreau) who said: "I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad than when we stay in our chambers."

Yesterday, I thought that I was starting to get bored, but I was not. I woke up with such freshness, not in a hurry or the idea of work and accounting and so on. My mind was very calm and I took my own phase.

Early this morning I got up at 4:15 and naturally I went to urinate and started my silence. First, I washed my shirt and underwear of yesterday, fixed my small bedroom and then engaged myself in reading the gospel, writing my journal entry. Solitude I guess is really my life, but as I have said to our Father-General, I am more driven by compassion to our congregation. It is more of pity, because of the lack of people and we have commitments.

I am very happy that I made this month of solitude and my Delegate Superior is very supportive of this. There is a need to step back on regular basis and just stay in silence, enjoy the beauty of nature, read and write, and above all, pray and pray. I haven't started walking yet or doing manual work in silence. I will allow myself first to sink in and enjoy the solitude. If I am not in my hut, I am in the chapel and just sit down before God.

Solitude is an absolute necessity and this should not be underestimated. I am asking the Lord to guide me and to allow me to feel Him, even just in small ways!

9:58:38 AM
We had meal together with the Hermitines and the stewards. It is always a time for sharing, and they like to hear my experience in Africa. They always say that they are still very lucky. They admire my joy in spite of the difficulties in the mission.

I continued washing after breakfast and made my own string inside my little hut for my clothes to dry. I cleaned also my little house and continued my silence. Silence is truly an art to find our inner selves, beauty and joy. Later, I will make my first walk outside of the boundary of the Sanctum.

As I have more time now, I have enough time for everything, to pray and reflect and write down my inner thoughts. When we are alone, we come to know our inner selves, which I feel was lost with my busy life in Manila. They said that in silence, we also face our own demons, which are our sinfulness and shortcomings. I feel I am unworthy for this, but this is probably God's means. I will do everything little by little each day, as I will make a space for each issue that I have to confront. I still have so much to pray for, and I ask the Lord to enlighten me and help me in the process. There are a lot of things that passed through and I did not realize them at all. I want to recall and reconnect everything.

1:00pm
I accompanied Bro. El for marketing in Panabo. We took tricycle in going there and it was a bit uneasy. The place is a little bit messy, wet and bit dirty. But that is natural in any wet market. El was trying to choose the cheapest possible in order to save and buy many. I felt pity but also humbled. So I decided to pay some of them though he resisted. I bought some fish and sea foods and other snacks. At the wet market, you see different people, many poor ones who bought just little for their consumption.

On our way to the terminal, we took a tricycle again. This time the driver has no right arm, cut he was working in a factory in Manila. Then his wife left him and their daughter for another man. Since he has his left arm only, he complained of numbness, but he has to drive in order to make a living and send the daughter to school. I felt so pity, wanted to give more, but El said that he has given already.

2:45pm
I tried to get a siesta by just sleeping on the floor. It was so hard, so difficult and very uncomfortable. I was like an abandoned beggar. That was my expression of unity with them. I didn't intend to do it that way, but since I washed my blanket and I had things on my bamboo bed, I slept on the floor. I don't know if that was the reason, I had terrible headache when I woke.

I have learned how to save water, so that in just four or five big cups, probably two liters of water, I have managed to take my bath. But I feel very clean, because I have saved, I made sure that I have washed and rubbed my whole body.

I spent part of my afternoon with painting. I am just doing taped painting for a start. It is not bad. I decided to leave all my paintings here because this place, house and chapel are so bare. I am planning to paint some religious subjects. I am still meditating.

I went to the chapel after for my personal silence. My life is really very serene and calm, just letting each day pass by in silence. I read the gospel of the day and meditated in it, prepared for mass.

Silence is sinking now little by little, thank you Lord. It is not just prayer, but allowing my soul to experience solitude even in the midst of this Sanctum community. They respect my solitude, my quiet atmosphere. We only speak at meal time. It is in silence that my soul is at home. I am taking this moment as time for rest, but above all to ruminate the beauty of my life In solitude.

Our mass so nice, very simple and solemn, but with sharing. I was so amazed hearing the experiences of the people in here and how God changed the course of their lives. They are still searching, but they have found peace in mind and heart in Sanctum through silence and as Hermitines. God, you are truly amazing.

8:45 pm
Making soap is one of their means of income in Sanctum. Last night, I helped them wrapping the soap individually with plastic. It is a very tedious work and so it requires a lot of patience and dedication. They have order of 4,000 pieces, and that is their concentration at the moment.

Further reflection:
Two-way options

In life, we have what we call as two-way options, duha Ang atong kapilian, the narrow gate/hard road or the wide/spacious path. Masikip ang daan papuntang langit.  There very few people who choose to pass in this road, as it is normal for human being to look for comfortable, safety and peaceful road.  We don't want the troublesome way of life.

I reflected the life of the Hermitines here in the Sanctum.  This can be compared as the narrow gate and hard road, that is why, only few have chosen to live in this way of life.  Even professed sisters or religious or diocesan priests, they won't choose to live a life of solitude.  There is comfort in the congregation.

But this is a directive of Christ, that we follow a long and winding road, narrow and hard.  This is the road less traveled.  This is the same challenge as the Beatitudes.  So many people cannot follow Christ 's desires because they are hard.  Many turned away from His teachings because they are very radical.

Yet, this is the ideal life that Jesus is asking us to live,  the road to heaven is not made of gold, but of thorns and it is very rough.  You are so very lucky to answer the Lord in this beautiful way.

We only have to be generous to the Lord, and He will also be generous to us.