#7 :: Everything I Want.

39) Perfect Imperfections.

OLIVIA

Today was bitter sweet.

It was Miracles 1st birthday but also a year since we lost King. Losing someone is never easy but to lose your child? It's something I wouldn't wish on my enemy.

I missed King so much, I felt that due to me being unconscious at the time and then going into a coma I never even got to feel him or Miracle after giving birth. It wasn't until a week later did I know anything about King not making it and Miracle suffering from infections.

But Miracle was just that. A miracle! She is nothing but a bundle of joy! With her deep dimples and curly hair she's everyone's favourite. Daniella and Briella love having a baby sister and Junior loves being the big brother as his job is to protect her - so he says. Her and the twins get on too with them being a year apart out of everyone they seem to get on the most.

I'd hate to say it but living with Mason has been a godsend. I've been able to undergo physiotherapy and get the proper treatment needed. I'm almost back to my full physical strength, just my leg sometimes gives me problems from time to time.

"You ready?" Mason asked me.

"Yeah, let's go." I said as I picked up Miracle and made my way to the car.

We was going to the cemetery before Miracles birthday party.

"Are we going to talk about last week?" Mason asked me.

"What is there to talk about?" I asked.

"You being foreal?"

"We slept together. It happened. I don't see the big deal."

"So that's what you want? For us to fuck every now and then?"

"It was a one off..." I said.

"A one off?" He repeats.

"Yes."

"Okay cool. Well make sure it don't happen again. I've started seeing someone so I don't want there to be no confusion. Its already bad enough trying to explain that I live with my baby momma." He says.

"You want me to move out?" I ask.

"Did I say that?"

"It's cool, I'll have to get a place of my own soon anyway. I wouldn't want who I'm seeing to be coming to yo house." I said to him.

"Keep playing games Olivia, keep playing games." Mason said.

For the rest of the ride to the cemetery we never said a word to each other. Last week I had a moment of madness, moment of weakness. Me and Mason had been getting along so well it was like the old days. We was mucking about then when ended up kissing and next thing you know I'm screaming his name whilst he's blowing my back out.

It was amazing, I missed it, I missed him. I don't know why but afterwards I felt like it was a mistake and like it would confuse us co parenting. So since then I've been avoiding him; until today.

Do I love Mason? Yes. Do I want to be with him? Most definitely. Do I want to go through everything I've been through again? Hell no! I guess deep down I know it's unlikely that will happen but there's something holding me back. I guess I'd prefer to have Mason in my life as a friend than to not have him in it at all because we fell out again.