Finally Falling

15: I nearly died

It had been only five minutes since we had taken off and we were stuck in traffic. How great. Steph and Jesse were in the back seat and I was in shotgun with Brandon next to me driving. Brandon was plain frustrated whereas Jesse was being optimistic and goofy like always.

"Hey K-Bae, do you know how to surf?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Are you any good?"

"I would like to think so."

"I could teach you how to be better."

"Yeah, sure," I said looking at him with a smile.

"Would you two stop flirting?"Brandon asked, quite rudely might I add.

"We aren't flirting Brandon, we're being kind friends who help each other out."

"Yeah, next thing you know you'll be helping each other out with stress relief. And not the heart to heart kind."

"Brandon!"

"Klumsy!"

"Your despicable!"

"No, I'm impeccable, remarkable, unassailable,I-"

"Just shut up," I said and he replied with an arrogant smirk.

After what seemed like an eternity but was only 10 minutes, the traffic lights turned green. We turned on the radio and currently we were listening to Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus. My dad used to sing it to my mum when I was really little, every time she got mad with him or upset with him, he'd sing it. He used to drag me along to sing with him saying that I was thing cutest thing alive and the moment my mum saw me she would melt and immediately forgive him. He was right. My Dad would get out our guitars and we would jam along to this song and a few other songs. My dad was into singing and said that I should always follow my dream and wherever it landed me, he would always be proud.

We were less than half way into the song. But don't tell my heart my achy breaky heart. I just don't think he'd understand... The song was rejuvenating. It made me feel happy and sad at the same time. It would remind me of everything we did as a family and then it would also remind me of that night and how they would find me. I heard someone shouting my name but I chose to ignore it. It was probably just someone in my daydream. But the voice kept persisting. It sounded like a guy. A familiar guy. Was it Justin or Jace? But why would they be calling me so urgently? Suddenly I was shaken awake.

There were a million things going through my head right now. I was looking at Brandon and his eyes were like the rain forest, so green and deep you could get lost in them, they were full of concern. I tried to form words but they wouldn't come out. I tried to breathe but I couldn't. I was trying to inhale and exhale but I couldn't. I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't.
Two words were now rushing through my head and they were panic attack. My chest was heaving up and down but there was no longer any air in my lungs. I was trying to calm my self down, but it wasn't working. Justin knew that I had panic attacks and he was the one that calmed me down,he knew exactly what to say and what to do.But he isn't here right now..My vision was very slowly blurring. I could see black dots and then Brandon's face appeared out of nowhere. He was saying something. Something loud but I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't focus on anything.

There was one thought that was appearing with the black dots and that was death. It was okay though, I mean a lot of people would be really relieved if I died. Justin, them, Brandon would also probably laugh. It was okay. I was a liability. Tears were staining my cheeks. I knew the car had stopped and I knew that Steph was panicking and her voice sounded like she was close to sobs and that Jesse was calling someone with an urgent need and that Brandon was trying to talk to me with worry and concern in his eyes.

"Klumsy, look at me. Breathe in and out. Please look at me. Klumsy,look at me, you need to breathe. Relax. Look at me and try to breathe." The way he said it made me actually relax, but not enough to control my breathing. He said it with worry and panic. I was quite sure that he said 'baby' as well, but I don't know, he could of said anything, I was still having a hard time focusing.

"No, she's having a freackin panic attack and its serious. She hasn't taken a breath in for almost a minute. She still isn't breathing. She could pass out at any moment." I don't know who said it but it sounded like a male. The only two males were Brandon and Jesse. I distinctly remember him saying freakin' and if it were Brandon he would of just sworn, so it
had to be Jesse.

"Klumsy, please try to breathe. Babe, you need to breathe. In and out. Please Klumsy, please." It was Brandon. This time he sounded desperate. I think he called me babe but for all I know he could of said Gabe or fave. More and more spots were appearing and it was getting harder for me to concentrate and breathe.

Then all of a sudden, one name popped into my head. Jace. Suddenly, my breathing was evening out, the spots were becoming distant. My twin would kill me himself if I ever tried to leave him alone. Does that even make sense? It doesn't matter. Breathe. In and out.

"Please breathe. KATE,I need you to breathe. Yeah yeah yeah, that's it, keep calm and breathe. Kate,look at me and breathe." I seriously wasn't sure what was going on with me today. I still think that he just called baby and babe, but this is Brandon we are talking about. Personally, I find 'babe' and 'baby' the cheesiest things ever.

My breathing was going back to normal slowly but I still looked traumatised. I was panting and noticed that we had parked in the middle of nowhere, there were no cars around. I saw Brandon get out of the car and and head towards my door. He opened it with ease and pulled me out after unfastening my seatbelt. I was still huffing and puffing when he gently placed his hands on my wrists to help me up. I don't know how but I had bruises on my wrists. They got noticed by me when I woke up next to Brandon. I know Brandon would verbally be a jackass and hurt me, but he would never physically.

I winced as he pulled me up from the seat. I was up on my feet and suddenly felt dizzy. Brandon caught me by the waist before I could fall face first on the ground. The next thing he did left me shocked, bewildered and utterly dumbfounded.

He

Just

Hugged

Me

He hugged me. This was not normal. But he hugged me with relief, he hugged me and his warmth was welcoming. It made me want to stay there forever as he hugged me with sincerity. I knew I was crying. I was crying a river. A river with dark memories that were buried at its deepest points. A river that would leave me broken, completely shattered if somebody put a hand in it and tried to take fish out. But nobody knew that the fish they were trying to take out were pieces of me. My deepest and darkest fears, my memories. The ones that I couldn't overcome, the ones that would wake me up in the middle of the night and haunt me. The memories...

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