Finally Falling

45: Two is never enough

"Mint chocolate chip please."

"How many scoops would you like?"

"Two thanks."

I turned around to ask Brandon what kind of ice-cream he wanted but found him holding up four fingers to the man in the truck.

"What? No, I would only like two scoops."

The man just smiled at me and said,"you should keep him, many times when couples come here the girl is too afraid to order what she wants and guys don't even seem to notice. Nor do they seem to care. If this one gets you extra ice-cream, you better keep him."

My cheeks tinted themselves in heat and a shade of red. Brandon was looking down and smiling.

"So what would you like, young man?"

"I'm okay, thank you. How much would that be?"

I was just about to butt in and exclaim that I wanted to pay but the man said, "No please, on me. It's refreshing to see young love."

I nearly choked at what he said and found Brandon actually blushing. Legitimately looking more like a tomato than a model for the first time ever.

"Thank you." We both said after smiling.

We walked a little bit around the fairy light lighten streets until we found a bench. "So what's the deal with you not eating ice-cream? You better like ice-cream otherwise we may have a compatibility problem."

Brandon's eyes widened a tiny bit at what I said until he realised I was joking. "No, I just didn't feel like it." Usually, when somebody says that they don't feel like it I would leave it alone, but there was something suddenly off about Brandon's mood.

"What's really up?"

"Nothing."

I moved closer to him and looked him dead in the eye, signalling that I recognized something was dodgy about his unnoticeable shift in attitude.

He sighed,"How do you always know to say the right thing or realize the right thing?"

I smiled at him and lightly pecked his lips. "What happened?" I urged.

"Klumsy, I-" He sighed and then smiled when he saw me munching on the chocolate chips.

"I don't know how to put it. It's just weird."

"Ice-cream puts everything into perspective, want some?"

He smiled but it wasn't with his heart melting dimples. "I'm not scared of anything, you know. Nothing at all. I can be the one who kills the spider in this relationship or the one who goes scuba diving in an ocean full of the unknown."

I furrowed my eyebrows, this wasn't at all the response I was looking for. "Congratulations?"

He chuckled and then continued, "But now it's all different. I mean, I'm still going to be the one who kills the spider if ever needed, don't worry," he said, knowing I was going to bring that up.

"I don't even know how to say this. I have never feared anything in my life, even when my father hit me, I didn't fear it because I knew it was coming. And that's the thing, I've never feared anything because I know what may come to happen. But with you, I-what if you leave? What if you say that you never want anything to do with me and leave me? I am scared of that Klumsy. I never could pinpoint what this horrible nagging feeling inside my chest was but it's fear.

I was happy with Kai, he was my little brother. I did everything I could to make him smile, it lit my whole day up when I helped him and ever since then nothing has been able to light up my life. Punch me in the face because I know this sounds cheesy as shit, but, you've done that. You make me laugh just by thinking about the day I've spent with you and how far we've come from the coffee spilling.

My mum left as well. The woman I needed the most when my dad was being a dick. Every time he remarried I had this little piece of hope clawing at my chest. Maybe she would be able to give me the love that my own mother had never given. Maybe she would sit down and help me with maths, not because she had to but because she genuinely cared about me and what happened with my life.

They left me, Klumsy. My mum left and then Kai left. I didn't ever even begin to think about this before you but I'm scared of having to befriend loneliness again. I'm scared to be too happy and have it taken away from me. I'm scared to lose you Klumsy."

It wasn't his words that hit me as hard but the despair in his eyes. He was so broken. It hurt to even think about what was going through his mind. It hurt to have to imagine how he would've to pick up all the broken pieces by himself.

"Hey, look at me," I said as I traced my thumb over his lips. "I'm not leaving you, okay. I promise."

"Now do you want some ice-cream?"

"The last time I had ice-cream it was with Kai." I gasped. "You mean you haven't had ice-cream since then? Oh my god, you poor thing. Here, open up."

I shoved a spoonful of it in his mouth and gave him a toothy smile. When he gulped it down he took the empty cup from my hands and placed it on the ground beneath the bench.

"You know what else I haven't had in a long time?"

"If you say sex I'm going to punch you."

"Well, I mean that is a great date idea."

I slapped him on the chest to which he replied with a grunt and, "actually I was going for this."

His thumb grazed my jawbone and before I could process all that was happening his lips were on mine, moving with a gentle fire that extinguished the surrounding world. His tongue slipped in after tracing my bottom lip. Every part of me was relaxed and trembling with awareness as his tongue danced against my own. He was smiling through the kiss which inevitably made me smile and I was sure that we looked like two goofball lunatics.

But I didn't care. At all. I was with Brandon. The man that made me so very happy.

But suddenly everything came pouring down on me and I wasn't smiling in between our kiss anymore. Instead, I felt a little sick. I had promised Brandon that I would never leave him but that was a promise that I had very little chance of keeping.

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