Heal My Heart

S i x t y - S i x : S c o t t

A/N: Comment & Vote

"I'm an asshole aren't I?"

Kyle grunted over the phone. "You did what you had to Scott. I don't blame you. Bailey driving me nuts too. This and that. You never hold him, you never help out. Who the fuck pays for everything? Diapers aren't cheap. And he goes through like ten a day! All he does is piss, shit, eat, and cry--sometimes all at once. Sorry but no, I don't want to hold the pain in the ass. I will when he's older."

I sucked on my teeth. "You make having a kid sound miserable."

"Because it fucking is. I haven't gotten laid since the day we got him. Every time we even begin anything--hell, even if I consider it--the baby starts crying. Or Bailey just falls asleep. Yesterday he fell asleep a writing up the budget. Sitting at the table--you can believe it? Must be nice to be able to nap whenever you damn please."

At this point I knew Kyle was being ridiculous. However I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear. He needed to vent and I'd rather him do it to me than to push Bailey further. Things seemed rocky enough in his home life--he didn't need the extra stress of know what was going wrong in mine.

Almost on cue wailing filled my ear. "Son of a fucking bitch," he huffed. "Bailey? What are you doing?"

"Letting him cry it out!" Bailey sounded on the verge of tears. "He's been crying all day Master--I mean Kyle. I just need a minute."

"You need a minute? I worked all day. I'd like ten damn minutes of peace!"

"At least you can get away from it! I don't sleep Kyle!"

I felt awful ease dropping. But I never got a chance to cut in. "Bullshit. You're always fucking asleep." He hissed. "Now go take care of him. Go on the porch with him until he stops crying."

"Kyle it's too cold--"

"Then I'll go! I can't get a second can I Bailey? You lazy piece of shit." The door slammed and I pulled back ear ringing. I didn't like how Kyle was treating Bailey. But who was I to judge? I was treating Puppy pretty rotten right now too. "Sorry--where were we?"

"Puppy?"

"Oh right. Yes, I think you were in the right to get upset. If you let little things slid they'll turn into a bigger problem. You can't expect him to change over night though."

"But we had such a great time. I thought he really understood!"

"Subs will never understand. All they know is what they want."

I knew he didn't mean it. He was still pissed at Bailey. The sound of the baby crying got a bit louder and then faded. "I suppose. I ought to bring him to talk with Robtoy again."

The crying got louder once more before it faded again. A slamming sound startled me. "Bailey if you bring him past this door again I will take the belt to your ass until you bleed."

"Jesus Kyle!"

"What? You have no idea how he's been acting," he snapped angrily. "You think your sub is bad? Try spending ten minute with mine."

"I never said Puppy was bad," I corrected, a bit upset.

"Whatever. I've got to go. See you tomorrow morning."

He hung up on me and I sighed, hanging it back up. I'd never had a friend upset at me before and it felt weird. I put it to the back of my mind and stood up.

I opened Puppy's door quietly to find him crawling into bed. He was crying quietly, wearing his orange striped cat pjs. He and the hood up and paws folded down. The button to hide the zipper wasn't clipped--there had been no on here to help me.

He curled up under the covers with an armful of select stuffies that he said goodnight to in turn. He laid silently for a moment then whispered, "Goodnight Puppy."

I turned away, chest tight with guilt. Maybe, like Kyle, I was so hellbent on things going as I wanted that I was completely ignoring what he needed.

I went back to my desk and wrote it all down.

What I expected of Puppy, what I wanted for us in the future. And then I turned it over and wrote what Puppy was.

And as I compared the lists I found he truly did have the traits I wanted in a sub. He was honest, genuine, sweet, and smart. He had a personality and was funny.

He also depended on me almost completely.

Danny had been self-sufficient in almost all aspects of his life. I wasn't used to the kind of dependency Puppy not only wanted but also needed.

It wasn't something that he could turn on or off. It was just who he was.

It was just as Glenn had told me it would be. I wasn't sure why I was resisting so much. Was I so insecure of my public image that I was risking the wellbeing of my sub?

I was disgusted with myself.

When I took in Puppy it was to shelter him from the pain Connor's cold behavior causes him. Yet as Puppy spent more time with me, I was doing the same. Of course he was going to get afraid and begin to distinction.

And I hadn't been doing anything to really help the process. He needed the stability and the structure I had worked so hard to build with him. But I'd gotten lazy. The chart hadn't been updated in nearly a month now.

I put down the pen and got to my feet. I went upstairs and opened his door. He blinked wearily at the light. "What's goin' on?" He asked sleepily, rubbing a paw over his eyes as he yawned.

"Nothing. I just want to make sure you feeling okay and I tell you I'm sorry."

"Oh... I'm really tired. Can we talk in the morning."

I looked at my watch. It pushing three am. "Jesus--sorry Puppy. Goodnight. Daddy loves you."

His face lit up slowly. "You do?"

"Yes. Now go back to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Mm kay. 'Night. Love you too."

He put his head down and was promptly asleep. I left the door cracked and took a shower. I didn't feel tired. I felt...restless. I had no idea my think time had gone so late...or early I suppose.

I fell in bed exhausted but oddly...satisfied.

As if maybe, just maybe, I'd gotten it right this time with Puppy and my most recent realizations would be what we needed to make our relationship more stable so Puppy and I can both grow.

Clearly my issues weren't solely in the death of Danny.

But that was something to think about tomorrow. For now, I was tired.

And nothing solved problems like a good night's sleep.

Something that some (Bailey) may not get for a while. But however bad it made me feel I had my own sub to worry about me. And once our relationship was perfect I could go about trying to fix Kyle's.

Until then, I could only hope things worked out.

QOTC: How are you feeling about the story so far? I welcome all critiques and ESPECIALLY long comments 😁😁. If I get 65 comments (totally random number lol) I will update tomorrow. If not, I'll update at some point in the future lol.