Letters from India

10. Christmas 1984

Christmas 1984

December 29, 1984

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Divyatmaswaruplaras (embodiments of the Divine Atma), plus others like, dog Suzie, dog Bennie, cats Tina, Vickie & Rami, fishies (if we have any left), Sai and Radha the birds, and any other others that I’ve forgotten, and it’s easy to forget when you’re in the Presence of God),

SAI RAM! How are all of you there, while this body is here in the Presence of the Divine Avatar??!

Christmas was Great! At 4:30 PM, all us special choir peoples went in, all dreased in pure white saris. Yes it’s true, I had to go out and get a white sari. :-) (White sari, white choli & petticoat.)

Promptly at 4:30 PM, with the Poornachandra packed, SAI appeared on the stage. He went to each end of the stage slooooly and stood and stared at everyone staring back at Him - what Unity!

Us choir got great, wonderful seats. Sai’s college girls from Anantapur were there to do a couple of speeches, so the first 4 rows in the front were them. The next 12 rows back was our choir! Alto’s directly in front of the stage, sopranos farther back to the right. I was 2nd in line, the 3rd row from the center. That means, the 6th row from the stage, right in front of where Sai sit on the stage! And I thought 16th row back was doing well - !! Sai was so clear compared to the near-blur of the 25th-row Poornachandra view!

Sai was totally scary during the speakers. He looked like Siva Himself – the Master of all who was going to destroy you and, indeed, the whole creation if you did the slightest, tiniest thing wrong. His eyes were Fire and He was Radiating total and complete Power and Energy. Imagine staring at that for about a solid hour, during the three speakers! It only started to affect me after the program was when I got the full impact: TILT, TILT.

Then Sai got up for His discourse. I tensed just in case He was planning to hold up His Hand and reduce us all to a pile of ashes, in His Power and Siva anger. Then…

Sai began with a song in a voice of nectarine sweetness. He had changed from fire-charged Siva to Jesus Himself in sweetness, love, compassion. For the entire discourse, He talked in the softest, sweetest, nectar-voice that went far, far beyond anything your mind could imagine.

His whole self and facial expression radiated what Jesus must have been like on the earth, except, way beyond what your imagination could think of as “God is as sweet as this.” It was like that in impact, just unimaginable. The sweetness of His voice poured over this entire being, an experience with God, an experience of a tiny particle of God.

Sai gave a 90-minute discourse. Then, we did Arathi and Sai exited backstage. The entire choir scrambled to their places – right up at the edge of the stage, facing the crowds (still sitting of course). Sai came; He sat on the men’s side, in front of the crowds a few feet. But not for long. As soon as the chair was innocently placed there, the crowd surged forward all around the chair, like bees to the Queen Bee. I had a great view of Sai and of our conductor, permanent resident Elizabeth, from where I was. For the songs, we had to keep our eyes on Eliz but during the bits in-between, we looked behind us at the stage (just for an instant if at all!), or to Sai, to the right.

During the play, Sai was smiling all over, turning to all sides and pointing to the stage. He looked delighted! :-)

For the play, in all, we did seven Oms, three full 4-part choir pieces; and six other chants/hymns. It was all filmed, soo maybe someday I can see what was happening while we were singing.

During the choir, Sai looked and stared at Eliz madly conducting, but not to us very often. Elizabeth is totally, completely sweet and devoted. She’s ultra-talented (she teaches the daily bhajan classes). I tried hard in the choir, got everything right, so she would be pleased and thereby Sai would be pleased with her…and with us.

When I got back to the room, it all hit me. I had received so much energy and power from being in and seeing the Divine presence for soo long, I found out what Sai and Yogananda mean about “too much energy, you can't hold it all.” What a night, the memory lives with me…

Sai is really getting me ashram-ized. I have a whole collection of ashram-bought stuff. It’s really good that I didn’t bring stuff along because now I have sacred items from the abode of the Avatar. In some cases, Sai has personally disposed of what I had brought along, so that I could buy it here.

I have ashram pens (mine disappeared), paper (the 80 pages I brought alone got used up very quickly), toothpaste (mine ran out), flashlight, soap and soap box (mind “magically” vanished), hairpins, washcloth, notepad, writing booklets, saris (five; the sixth sari I have is the one Betty gave me: the shirt to it magically vanished and now I have nothing to wear my only non-ashram bought sari with. Sai is saying something…?), petticoats, shawl, and ashram white choli for special occasions.

Speaking of moving, yes, it's true, the day after Xmas we were carted off to shed #11 because of crowds. In the sheds, there are no lights in the bathroom or shower stalls. Some lights outside but once you are closed in the stall, it's darkness.

Sis, remember that necklace you gave me to have blessed by Baba?? Well I didn’t want to tell you this buuut, during Nagarsankirtin one morning during the Seva Conference, it fell off and got lost! I had attached it to my “Seva Dal Delegate” pin and both fell of sometime during Nagarsankirtin. Sooooory!

Buuut, finally on Xmas Eve I went to the forbidden village and got you a new one! Yes its truuue, a genuine Puttaparthi Sai Baba necklace and chain. So far, it’s been to: two choir practices in the Poornachandra, one nagarsankirtin (Xmas morning), the entire night Xmas program (including speakers, Sai’s discourse and songs, and our play), eleven Darshans, ten bhajans and four night meditations in the Mandir. I’ve offered it to Sai to bless (when I was close enough in Darshan) four times, and He’s looked down at it twice. But nooo banana, He hasn’t physically blessed it yet. I guess I’ll just keep trying for you Sis.

Sai sure keeps me waiting whenever I offer anything from the family - like the letters and now the necklace. Gee when I offered a letter (of mine) He took it the first time, right away. Wonder if there’s some sort of lesson in here somewhere?? Hmmm.

Birthday in Baba Land. :-) Yes it’s true, today I celebrated the 19th Birthday anniversary of this body, in the Divine Physical Presence of Sri Sathya Sai Baba. Bliss! As a present, Sai allowed me to get into the Mandir (because of the crowds, there are 10 long lines to get in, only 2 ½ lines fit in. I was the 4th person in line #2!) He gave a beautiful, beautiful Darshan. I could see His whole self sitting in the chair – soo clear, soo close, the physical Divine Radiant form of the Avatar! He came in earlier than He has in a long, long time – a beautiful, long Darshan!

Otherwise, morn Darshan I got 4th row; night, 11th row (second to last line in) and was completely ignored both times. Ah well, lucky I know Sai still loves me…

Sai Ram from the bliss of Being in the direct Aura of Divinity – the Divine Physical Form of the Avatar, Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba…

OM,

Eileen