Letters from India

75. Confiding Problems to Venkamma - March 1988

Confiding Problems to Venkamma

March 5, 1988

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Family,

Sai Ram! I'm leaving here on Sunday, March 6th to Madras. Then I’ll go to Kaula Lumpur, Malaysia on March 8th on Indian Airlines.

The weather is really nice here. :-) Nice and warm (not hot, for me!). Of course, people are complaining about the dreadful heat. Last night there was a huge storm, very strange, it was like a cyclone! The wind was roaring and ripping down branches of huge trees. Rain poured and got swished in the wind. It was so loud!

This morning a letter from Swami arrived. They read it in the morning after bhajans in the Mandir. Swami sends His Blessings to all, it seems. Translation: Swami is not coming in the near future.

Sisters are fine. I’m confiding any problems to Venkamma. Venkamma sometimes gets angry if I tell some of Parvatamma’s ways – like, not giving any of the watch money (she often asks for foreign items and promises to pay for them, but then doesn't!). Venkamma says, “Don’t say anymore! I’ll get angry!” Venkamma says Parvatamma has always had her concentration on money and stuff – mostly to give to her family. But Parvatamma’s heart is very soft.

If around Venkamma for very long, she’ll start to tell stories of saints or avatars. Her face will light up and she’ll be immersed in the story. Day before yesterday she told me a dream she had had. Rama was doing puja to a lingam (there’s a story in the Ramayana of Him doing that), his brother Lakshmana was there, and also Swami observing it all! Today Venkamma had a dream of Swami coming to her and telling her to touch His feet. Venkamma says Sai is GOD – but her very special worship form is Rama.

Meanwhile, Parvatamma hardly mentions God or mantras. She does tell of how she always used to say, “Sankara, Sankara” all day (going to bed, when something went wrong, etc. (Sankara is Siva). But her grandchildren always teased her, saying, “Oh, you’re Parvati and you’re calling out to husband Siva! You want Him to come, uhh!” Since that time, she’s changed to the universal (in Telugu land), “Ayyo Rama,” she says.

Parvatamma’s granddaughter Chaitana came for five days, on vacation from school. We get along (she’s near my age, 17). Us three (Parvatamma, granddaughter and me) went on night walks. We’d find a place to sit. If someone would come to Parvatamma to talk, it was our opportunity to go on short walks (granddaughter and me). Chaitana told me what a hard life Parvatamma has had. One son died at a young age, after that her husband died. When her husband died she was pregnant with her daughter (Chaitana’s mother, Chittamma). Then her youngest son lost his hearing through typhoid. He was sent far away, to Madras for special schooling. Then eldest son Nagendra was studying to be a doctor, three of four years were complete then he got typhoid. He could not continue, doctor ordered him to take one year rest or his brain would be damaged by intense studying. So he never completed the studies. Then Parvatamma had heart attack then diabetes came; nowadays there is troubles with her son-in-law (Chaitana’s father) who she’s not talking to.

I still don’t miss Swami. :-)

Venkamma hints that I should lessen my contact with Parvatamma. Maybe it’s slowly ending with Parvatamma.

Venkamma was joking the other day - she was telling a story of someone like me, so devoted, but young. Her parents wanted her to marry, but she didn’t want to at all. Everything was arranged then suddenly, God changed her to an old lady so the wedding was off! The girl from then was free to devote her life to God. Venkamma said I should pray also like that! Remember how I had joked about that before, now here was Venkamma bringing it up!

Sai only knows my future.

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu

Love,

Divya