Letters from India

83. Soap Opera by Sai & Resonably Recovering - May/June 1988

Soap Opera By Sai

May 27, 1988

Whitefield

Sai Ram,

Things are OK here. Weather is a little cold (for me but hot for others) but bearable. There are six of us in the room, including Ingrid.

On the 21st, dear Parvatamma came, with whole family – two sons, daughter and grandchildren. She’s still here. She mostly ignores me (she only comes for evening bhajans). One night the family had gone and she was alone, coming out of the hall. I made bold to try to talk with her, but she did her best to ignore me. When I asked if I could come and see her in her room, she said very strongly, “No, no – I don’t want you to come, all are in the house, it’s crowded.” At least it doesn’t seem that she’s still so mad as to shout and call me names.

I feel that it’s nice, Swami’s Will, that I shouldn’t go. After all, rumors of a foreigner always visiting her could cause problems for both of us. Even though so many know now.

The first day I saw her, I told Swami inside, “I won't go to her room unless You say.” He came to me in Darshan, looked very surprised (at my depressed face!) then gave a look of utter compassion, understanding and love. I think I’ve only got a look like that once or twice before, other times when I was desperate about Parvatamma situation! Sai acknowledging me is such a rare occasion! (Her family won't look at me but her daughter answered me when I asked if Parvatamma came.)

Anyway, I'm doing extra tapas until the attachment is broken. Other than when she sees me, Parvatamma seems extra happy, smiling, talking with others. Good, good.

Most people here (permanent foreigners, long-stayers and old timers) are going through huge, expansive tests that wrack havoc on physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual nerves. In Kodai and again here in Whitefield, almost everyone in my room, at some point or the other, has gotten in a big “fight” with Sai, cried, moaned, complained, threatened to leave and almost actually leave to their country. Then they somehow calm down, through Swami giving outward attention or just through Sai’s inner Grace. They end up staying to witness the next roommate’s tragedy/test.

If that is not enough, there are those here whose whole concentration is on visa, money, or both. There are four foreigners who are here without valid visa (people somehow confide in me). They are half-way trying to do something about it, meanwhile delaying, saying, “Swami said ‘wait’ in Darshan” or, “My heart says to stay,” etc. Meanwhile, ¾ those without visa also have no money, have to beg or “borrow” or starve, sleep outside, etc. These are all foreigners, remember! The worst I’ve ever seen it really, the most testing of others, even having visa or money. And Swami is so, so silent. Why? All these people say that if Sai says to leave, they would go immediately. Instead, Sai refuses to take letter asking permission to leave the country or take care of their visa. What is this? A lesson that we must act on our own, that government law is Sai’s law? (How can it be, when they refuse to act without His permission?) Or is it a test of devotion, that they will risk all just to follow His command (or lack of command) (can this be, when outward Swami would never, ever agree with someone going against the law!)?

The Ooty people told me that Swami scolded all the foreigners one night there. He was saying, “Foreigners very, very, very bad – they’re borrowing money from Indians, they don’t have visas, they’re meeting with gents, all foreigners very, very bad.”

Thus the by-Sai soap opera goes on.

Hope that you are having less confusion and lighter hearts than those ‘by Sai’. Imagine the vibrations – although Sai is right here! Ugh.

I still agree completely with what I told Sai in the beginning – that if I must suffer or witness suffering, let it be BY Sai - HERE WITH SWAMI!

BE WELL ALL. :-)

Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu,

Love,

Divya

_____________

Reasonably Recovering

June 12, 1988

Whitefield

Dear Peoples,

Sai Ram. How are you all? I hope fine, in bliss, drowned in the love of God – ha, ha. We continue to struggle on as best we can here.

All are still going through very intense churning here. We were six in the room, but all the transients finally left (including one whom Swami married on their last day here) and Ingrid and I were left alone in the room.

After tapas, I feel much better and reasonably recovered/recovering from the Parvatamma situation. I see clearly how I’ve developed the love and can even spread it a bit. How helpful it was to be near her those months. Perhaps now it will be like before, seeing her from afar. No complaints will be filed at the office (hopefully).

Parvatamma left a few days ago. School started again, so all her grandchildren went back to school. The last day she was outside after bhajans (her back to me when I went by). Her Bangalore daughter-in-law saw me (the one who is the wife of her second son, who is deaf - not the one who had operation in Madras). She smiled at me sweetly and said, “Sai Ram” (I had met her several times before). I just said, “Sai Ram” nicely and went on – luckily Parvatamma didn’t see any of this. I guess Parvatamma hasn’t told her about me. Meanwhile, all other family members and grandchildren ignored me – including middle granddaughter Chandrika, who was wearing one sari I had brought from Singapore. Such is life.

One thing, since the Parvatamma thing, Swami has been granting me many good lines, especially for evening bhajan (my favorite).

Well, I haven’t had any interesting dreams lately, and since Parvatamma left for Parthi I haven’t had any dreams at all, even restless! Very, very strange for me isn’t it!

I'm doing advanced studies in Telugu, reading Swami’s Ramayana (Rama Katha Rasa Vahini, story of Rama) in Telugu. It’s written in very high Telugu; words that aren’t even known by the villagers, are used! When I feel overwhelmed, I read Chinna Katha (small stories) part two, in Telugu. I translate the stories into English as an exercise, I can understand 75% -95% of each story, so thus practice goes on.

Love,

Divya