Letters from India

39. Sadhu Plans Dashed, Srirangapatnam, Mysore - Aug 1985

Sadhus Plans Dashed, Srirangapatnam, Mysore

August 25, 1985

Mysore, Karnataka

Dear Ones,

Well, well… so my request for money met with a little difficulty, eh? You see, money is one of my least concerns at this time; perhaps I didn’t make that clear to you. But, yes, I will check up in Bangalore in a couple of weeks. The inner significance of your calling was great; let me tell you about it.

A few days before, various events happened that led me to the state of mind where I had decided to go off to a cave in seclusion. Arunachala is full of them, and the sanyasin Sathya told me a bit about where to get water, etc. I was completely burning with renunciattion, my whole body was burning, I wrote you all a letter (after several drafts because, with so much nonattachment-feeling, I couldn’t get these thoughts together) saying all this stuff, convincing you I wasn’t yours, that I hereby severe all connections, wasn’t going to write, just pretend I never was there, etc., etc., etc.

Then one event happened that seemed to make it clear that I was doing the right thing – although the event could be interpreted in different ways, I of course preferred to make it in my way. This event increased my zeal even more.

Soo, planning to leave the next day, at 2:30 PM on the 24th, I was in my room at 5:30 PM. I had just dumped out everything in my luggage, to sort out and dispose of unneeded stuff. I had just picked up the first item in the pile, continuing my out-loud singing of “Jai Jai Sai Rama, Bolo, Jai Jai Sai Ram!” When someone knocked on my door and called me to the phone – GUESS WHO WAS ON THE PHONE!

Thenceforth, I heard all four of your voices and heedless of my objections, your instructions for me to get the money at Malini’s parents house in Bangalore – in two weeks yet! Plans for immediate renunciation dashed!! It was as if Sai Himself was on the other end of the line, saying, “Come back to the world! Come back to the world!” It seems as if I'm not yet supposed to go into seclusion, that I'm supposed to realize Him in the world first. Bummer, to say the least! Fate of us on the jnana path, so BEWARE! For the Highest, one needs to have bhakthi also ... ugh....

Well, it was something to hear your voices again! Mom, you sounded worried (over money probably!) and upset. Listen, money is no problem! Ram will take care. I can always go to some ashram and stay for free; or the Government helps, I could just come back to America, no problem! But it is kind of you to be so nice about the whole thing. In any case, I have “plenty” until I return to Prasanthi Nilayam in late October. But it seems the Lord used you as instruments, to put an end to my plans-plans! I repeat, money is one of the least of my concerns. My biggest concern right now, is to see the whole world as God: everything is consciousness, everything is bliss. Quotes of Ramdas; “World is God, everything in the world is God; enjoy supreme bless, enjoy eternal bliss.”

Dad, your voice boomed over the lines to India! Your laugh was beautiful. It seemed like the bliss of finally getting what was strived for. Probably getting through to me in India! :-) Ha, ha! I know you didn’t believe at all I’d be in India this long, ha! Fooled ya all. Or, rather Sai did ha! Ha ha haa!! HA! Joy! HA! Ha, ha! Ha!!

So, so after that call, I was quickly transformed to a completely different state of mind – how I change so immediately and easily, I know not! I thought of writing all of you, “Well, well, it seems as if you’re going to continue to be a part of my life after all!” I was sure the call was Sai’s way of telling me “NO” for now, to the cave idea. “Why don’t you let me go?” I kept asking, meaning, being immersed in His Being. It’s because I must realize the world as God, too! So He keeps me in it. I must have some desire-karma to work off also.