Into You

Chapter 47

"You're still mad at me aren't you, Lauren?" Camila said quietly as Lauren drove around the highway, killing time, trying to avoid doing what she now had to do. Her insides were still churning after our chance encounter with Chunks and Alexa and she really wasn't looking forward to sitting down to tea.

"What makes you think I'm mad at you at all, Camila?" she said as calmly as she could, using every piece of Joanna's training to stop herself biting the girl's head off.

"Oh, I don't know, Lauren" Camila said with a hint of annoyed sarcasm in her voice, "maybe it's just about everything you're doing right now. The frowning, the clenching of your jaw, the way you are gripping the steering wheel and the way you keep looking at me as if you want to kill me,"

"I don't want to kill you," she replied flatly, "and that's not even close to being funny today."

"I wasn't trying to be funny, and I said I was sorry," Camila answered reaching out to touch her arm. Lauren's eyes flicked from the road, to her hand, to her and then back to the road again, changing gear quickly to escape her touch.

"Will you at least talk to me about it, baby?" Camila said gently, as if trying not to antagonize her.

"We talked, Camila. I told you what was wrong..."

"...and I told you I was sorry, baby," the brunette interrupted, "I just thought it would be good for you to see your friends," she added sadly, "I didn't realize that..."

"I said it was fine," she interrupted back, "just drop it, Camila, please."

They lapsed back into silence as she drove onto the precise opposite direction to the way she should be going. She saw Camila's head turn as they passed a road sign, her brown eyes flicking to hers as they sped on.

"Taking the long way," she said simply, not taking eyes from the road as the brunette turned to stare at her.

"Lolo..." Camila started to say, before her sigh cut her off. She pulled off the road into the side of the road, hauled on the handbrake and turned off the engine.

"What, Camila?" she asked, allowing the frustration and upset to enter her voice just this once, "what are you going to do, tell me why you did it? Tell me how it's all for my own fucking good, that it'll be 'closure' for me. I'm not a fucking lab rat, Camila. This is fucking hard for me,"

"I know it is, Lauren," Camila said soothingly, the cadence of her voice actually having the opposite effect to the one it intended. "I know it's difficult for you and I want to help you through it, but please, you have to stop being angry with me and let me help you, baby. I know I fucked up earlier, but there's nothing I can do about that now."

"I'm fucking sick of this, Camila" she told her, "fucking sick of being pushed and pushed. I'm not going back after this. Joanna can fuck off. How the fuck is this helping me?"

"You're being emotional, Lauren, and that's understandable," Camila said softly, "but you know how this is helping you. You know that you were an utter mess before you went to see Joanna, and you've been making such progress since. We're all very proud of you, mi amor. I'm really proud of you. You've come such a long way, Lauren. Don't blow it now. Don't make any rash decisions that will ruin your recovery,"

"You make me sound like a fucking disaster area, like I'm some kind of pet that needs fixing," she snapped.

"That's not true and you know it," Camila snapped back, her patience obviously exhausted. With a sigh, she slumped back in her seat rubbing her eyes.

"Look, Lauren," Camila continued, her voice more level again, "you can shout at me all you like if it makes you feel better, but it's not going to make a difference to how I feel about you, or to what has happened. Joanna wouldn't have asked you to do this if she didn't think you were ready. Christ, it wasn't that long ago you were telling me she was so happy with your progress you were only going to one meeting a week. Meeting your friends... your old friends," she corrected herself as Lauren frowned at her, "that was unfortunate, but you can't lock yourself away from these things forever, babe. At some point, you were going to have to deal with them."