The Game I Was Destined To Lose

Chapter 19

I'm mid way through my exams and they couldn't get any worse, so I updated anyway. 😂 initially it was supposed to be a short chapter but I just ended up typing away...

Thank you to all of you and all your support it's really encouraging me to write.

I have most reached the 20th chapter and this is all because if your live and support, thank you so much to each and every one of you'll.
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After crying for a good half an hour in the shower, I finally decided to step out of the bathroom, walking into the closet and pulling out Harry's shirt.

I hadn't given him a chance to clarify himself. Neither had I opened the door to him, initially, I could hear him scream my name but after mentally debating with himself he said he'd wait outside till I didn't open the door to him, I'm quite sure he has gone in the other room by now.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror my hair was neatly combed to the left side, damp. My nose was still red from all the crying and my eyes looked puffy, why would he fake it all? And all of a sudden the feeling was back. My chest felt like it was congesting and my heart felt like... it's strings were breaking, a new set of tears formed a glossy layer in front of my now bluish-gray eyes.

What if all this was a lie? Maybe I misheard all this.

I mentally sighed and slipped down on the edge of the bed. Looking at my fingers that rested on still on my thighs.

Whom was I kidding? It was a fact that everyone I ever met or loved ended up hating me. Either it was my behaviour or the fact that I was gay or too loud when I was happy, too salty when I was sassy.

My ow//

n parents threw me away in an orphanage and my adoptive parents hated my face. Dropping my upper body on the bed I waited for my back to sink into the soft and plush mattress pulling a pillow close to my chest, to hug it tight, I curled into a ball after lifting my feet and placing them on the bed too.

What was I thinking when I fell in love with him. Ofcourse, he was never supposed to love me back, after all, I was just liability and I just had to learn to accept it.

I let out a whimper and I dug my face into the pillow that smelt like him, so comforting and warm. But what was the point? It felt so cold without him next to me, I felt so small against that huge mattress.

I was learning to accept it! After so many years of hate, I was learning how to accept it that I didn't deserve happiness, that I was just a liability that it was okay of everyone hated me just like I hated myself. I could feel the weight washing away from my chest as I started to blame things on myself but I felt my head getting heavy, almost as if the weight went all the way up there, digging my head further into the soft pillow, I tried seeking comfort.

Why did he come into my life like that, he could have just hated me, it hurt but it would hurt less than knowing that he never loved me back and it was all fake.

And I hated him for making it so hard, I hated myself for believing him that I could be loved

I should have known I didn't deserve love.

I let out a sob, why did I go after it then? Tears started to fall down my cheeks, staining the pillow.

After all these years I couldn't process the bitterness of the truth. My nose started to get stuffy and my breathing was heavy, so after sob, I hoped it would get better.