Denial

Chapter 29

Maya POV

I woke up up in the middle of the night around 3AM. The anxiety was overwhelming and I couldn't stop thinking about Lucas which caused me to not be able to go back to sleep. I felt so bad that I hurt him so much. When I would react to things like that in the past he just got angry due to being hurt.  This time it was different. Lucas was crushed and defeated. He hadn't responded to my texts at all. This worried me because I didn't want to lose Lucas.  Just because I didn't accept his proposal doesn't mean that I don't love him. I got up out of bed and made my way downstairs to get something to drink and contemplated in my mind if I should go back to bed or drive to his parents house and talk to him. I realize it was going on 3:30 but I couldn't sleep because I was so worried about him. I decided after a few minutes of thinking on it that  I was just going to over to his house. I knew that Mom would be getting up in a few hours so I left her a note by the coffee pot telling here where I was and that I'd explain everything later. I also told her if Lucy asked any questions about where we were to just make something. After I wrote the note I got myself around which didn't take long considering I just put on a pair of Lucas sweat pants and grabbed my car keys. It took me about 10 minutes to get to his parents house. The house was dark and obviously no one was awake. I knew where his Mom kept her spare key at so I just let myself in.  I made my way up to his room and walked quietly so I didn't wake anyone up. I thought for sure he was sleeping because it seemed like no lights were on there but as I opened the door to his room I could see the light shining on his phone. 

"Maya? What the hell are you doing here so late?" he asked as he looked up from his phone. 

I walked over to his bed and got in beside him. "I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about how much I hurt you." I said as I got under the covers and made myself comfortable as I got in beside him. 

"You should go back home." he replied as he continued to fidget his phone. 

"Not until you talk to me." I said as I grabbed the phone out of his hands and placed it on the bedside table beside me. 

Lucas sighed "There's not really much to talk about Maya. " he said to me. 

"Yes there is. Lucas I love you. I love you so much and I feel like I ruined our first New Years. "

"It doesn't seem like you do. You're so afraid to be with me and that kills me. The one thing I want in this world is for you to be happy but it seems like you aren't with me. I don't want that for you. I don't want you to have any worries." he said and I could tell he was truly sad. 

"Just because I didn't accept your proposal doesn't mean that I don't love you. I need you, Lucy, needs you, and Levi needs you. I don't want to lose you." I said and I could feel the tears coming on. 

"If that was the case you would have accepted my proposal, Maya. It seems like no matter what I do you are afraid to be with me. You're afraid of commitment. I just don't want to waste my time if you don't want to be with me." he answered. 

"But I do want to be with you. Do you think I would have agreed to move in with you if I didn't?" I said him and now I was getting a little frustrated. 

"And that took a lot of me convincing you before you agreed to do it.  I just can't keep doing this Maya. It is killing me." 

"So this is it? We're done? What are we going to tell Lucy or do about the new house? "I said and this time I was crying. 

Lucas sat up and hovered over me as I continued to cry. He wiped the tears away and looked down at me. "I don't want to hurt you Maya but I feel this is best for us. " he said to me. 

I looked up at him and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him so passionately that he didn't know what hit him. He eased into my kiss and we made out for a minute as the tears ran down my face. He pulled away and then looked down at me. 

"Don't do this." I sniffled. "What are we going to tell Lucy? She's going to be crushed." 

"We're going to leave the proposal part but the rest we're just going to tell her the truth." he said. 

"I don't want to do this Lucas." I cried. 

"I'm sorry." he said. 

I pulled him to me and I kissed him once more. He kissed me back but this time we got into it a lot more than before. Lucas and I ended up having sex one last time. When were done we both fell asleep until his alarm went off. The two of us got around then went over to the house. We needed to talk to Lucy which is something I was dreading. When we got there she was playing in the living room with her toys. She ran up to us and Lucas picked her up. I smiled sadly at the interaction. I think Mom sensed something was up with me. She could probably tell that I had been crying. Lucas and I took Lucy into the kitchen. He placed her on the counter as he stood in front of her. 

"Can  Mommy and I talk to you for a minute, munchkin?" he said and she nodded at him. 

"Yes, Daddy." she answered.

"Daddy is going to stay at Grandmas for awhile but I will still see you just like before." he said to her. 

"But why can't you stay here?" she asked. 

"Because baby it's just not working out but you are still going to see Daddy. He's going to take you to Grandma's today." I answered. 

I watched as a tear slid down Lucy's cheek. Lucas wiped it away. Lucy looked so sad and that broke my heart. The last thing I wanted in all this mess was for her to be upset. 

"Jacob was right." she mumbled. "Put me down. I want to go to Nana." 

My heart broke into a million pieces when she said that. Why did this have to be happening? I have ruined everything. "We'll figure it out, baby." was all I could muster up to say to her. 

"We'll always be family." Lucas said as he put her on the floor. 

"No we won't because you are leaving." she said angerily before running off out of the kitchen. 

"Maybe she should stay with me today." I said to Lucas. 

"Yeah that's fine." he said "I'm sorry Maya. We can't keep putting her through this. I think its for the best." Lucas replied. 

"Yeah." was all I said. 

Lucas went up stairs to pack up some of his things before coming back down to say goodbye to Lucy was still very upset that her Dad was leaving. Mom and Shawn were so confused by what had happened. I took them into the kitchen to talk to them while Lucas had a moment alone with Lucas. They both told me to give Lucas some time that maybe he would come around and they reassured me that Lucy would be okay. The rest of the day was spent with them we watched movies and I cuddled with Lucy. Lucas FaceTimed her before bed and then together we cuddled in my bed. She wanted to sleep with me so I let her when normally I wouldn't. I knew she was upset and let it slide this time.  I really hope Lucas will come to his senses. I feel so bad that I crushed my little girls dream of having a family when all she wants is her Mommy and Daddy to be with her under the same roof. This was yet another night where I cried myself to sleep.