Denial

Chapter 39

Maya POV

Levi and I were released from the hospital two weeks ago. Lucy has adjusted okay. She has moments but Lucas and I remind her constantly that we love her and that nothing would ever change that After putting Lucy to bed I joined Lucas and Levi in our room. When I walked into our room Lucas was in our bed holding Levi who was fussing. I knew that he was due for a feeding. I took him from Lucas and gently placed him on my lap. He latched on right away and I couldn't help but sit there admiring him. The closeness of breastfeeding my baby was something I loved more than anything. I never realized how much I missed it until I started with breastfeeding Levi. As I sat there watching my baby as he fed I couldn't help but think of how dumb I have been all these years. The memories of how Lucas and I were back when Lucy was born just flooded my mind. I realized that Lucas loved me so much and all I did was blow him off. I hadn't even realized it but I started crying. 

"Maya what's wrong?" Lucas asked and I looked down at him with tears in my eyes. He took his hand and wiped them away. 

"Lucas, I'm so sorry. These past two weeks have been really bringing me back to when we were 18 taking care of our baby girl. You loved me so much back then and I didn't even see it." I sniffled. 

Lucas sat up in the bed and continued to wipe my tears away, "Stop crying. It's okay Maya. We made things work regardless. Don't dwell on the past think about our future." he said then leaned and kissed me softly on the lips. 

I continued to cry which turned to sobs "I know but I was in so much denial and it hurt you. You loved me so much and I just pushed you away all these years. I have loved you too so much but I was in so much denial that I didn't want to believe it. I'm so sorry Lucas." 

Lucas placed each of his hands on the side of my face. He tilted my chin up and looked directly in my eyes. "Look at me" he said and so I looked at him even though I continued to cry. "You need to relax. I don't want you crying over this. It's supposed to be a happy time for the both of us. We were given a fresh new start with our new baby son and our little girl. We're starting over and this time is going to be a trillion times better than the last because we have grown up and are not 18 anymore." 

"I just feel bad that I hurt you so much, Lucas.  It kills me. All these memories flooding back." I said as I continued to cry. 

Lucas sighed and continued to wipe the tears away. He leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips then pulled away to look at me. "I love you so much, Maya.  We both made mistakes .Its not like I sat around upset and depressed these almost 7 years. Yes, I was hurt when we eventually ended up having separate lives but that hurt it eventually went away. The girlfriends that I had didn't compare to you but I still moved on from that hurt and dated again." he said and I smiled at him. 

"I'll never cause you hurt again. I want to have a big wedding with all our friends, I want Riley and Farkle there with us, I want our babies in the wedding, I want to grow old with you and watch our babies grow up, but most of all Lucas I want to be with you forever. I don't want anyone else but you. I know it took me 7 years but I've finally realized it.  We may have been young when we had Lucy but she has always been the glue that has held us together. I love you so much." 

Lucas looked into to my eyes and I looked into his as his face formed a smile. "I've waited so long for you to say that Maya. You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say all of that. I love you so much more and I will make sure our wedding is the wedding of your dreams." he said then leaned into kiss me. 

After pulling away from the kiss I took Levi off my boob to burp him which didn't take long. He continued to sleep soundly so I put him in the bassinet beside our bead. I covered him up and placed a small kiss on his cheek before crawling into bed with Lucas. I snuggled into him and he wrapped his arm around me. 

"Are you okay now?" Lucas asked as he held me close to him. 

"Yeah I'm okay now." I replied. 

"Good, because you know Maya I realized that eventually you would figure out things on your own." he answered. 

"What do you mean?" I asked. 

"Maya, even though I was hurt after we decided it was best to not have relationship I have always known that you have loved me and in those 7 years your feelings towards me didn't change. I pushed you on your feelings when I shouldn't have and it didn't hit me how wrong I was for doing that until after I proposed to you. It made me realize that I just needed to back off of you and enjoy the relationship as it was instead of pushing you. You needed to overcome your fears on your own instead of being pushed to do so. " 

I smiled to myself then sat up so I could see him. I straddled him then leaned down to look at him and saw he was smiling at me. I smiled back then leaned down to kiss him and I put a lot of force into this kiss and made sure he could feel the passion it. I wanted him to know how much loved him. I felt him smile into my mouth and I nibbled on his bottom lip he allowed me more access to his mouth. Our tongues brushed against each others and I sighed into his mouth. I pulled away and looked down at him. 

"I love you Lucas. More than life itself and I'm sorry it took me so long to overcome my denial but you know what? Having Levi really hit me that this is what with you forever." 

"I love you too. I'm glad your mine." he said to me. "Lets cuddle I want you to get some sleep." 

And with that I climbed off Lucas and cuddled with him as I laid in his arms. It didn't take me long to fall asleep at all. I knew I better get some rest before a certain little guy had me up in a couple hours to be fed.