The Aftermath - A Gilmore Girls Revival Fan Fiction

Chapter 25

"What did that little girl just say?" Grandma asked. 

I laughed nervously.  What do I do!?  Do I let Jess take the fall?  Do I let him off the hook?  Do I fall over and play dead and hope no one remembers what Doula said?  Yeah, I like that option the best. 

I swallowed hard and felt sick to my stomach with the lie I was about to tell.  "I'm not pregnant, Doula...  I'm just not as skinny as I used to be.  I've had a good run with my metabolism, but when I hit my 30's it decided it was time to pack up and go" I said, trying to make a joke out of it. 

Mom looked at me sympathetically.  She could tell by the look on my face that she'd taken this too far.  "I'm so sorry!" She mouthed to me.

I nodded and fought harder than ever to try to control my emotions, but it was a losing battle.  I got up and excused myself from the room. 

"She's been really emotional about her weight lately.  I don't see it, I think she's gorgeous and it's all in her head, but she's been really upset about it lately" Jess explained to the group, and then walked out of the room to follow me.

Doula looked so confused and didn't know what to do or say.  She knew she had caused this awkwardness, and went to go sit by her mom, embarrassedly.

"Oh, for crying out loud she's TOO skinny if you ask me!" Grandma exclaimed with a laugh.

"You know girls and their body image issues..." mom said, shaking her head.  She was trying to sound believable and not as guilty as she felt.

Jess had checked everywhere, before finally finding me on the back porch.  "Hey" he whispered. 

I looked over to him and smiled slightly.  "Hey" I whispered back.

"What are you doing out here with no coat on?  It's freezing, you'll catch a cold" he said, wrapping his arms around me in a makeshift effort to warm me up.

I leaned into him, wiping some tears from my eyes. 

"Well, I think I curbed the pregnancy questions from your grandma for now, but she may think you need counseling for your distorted body image issues" he said with a smile, attempting to comfort me.

"Jess, it hurts" I whispered, looking out into the distance.

"What does?" He asked, ready to take immediate action to make whatever it was better.

"EVERYTHING" I whispered.  "Him not being here, not even knowing I'm having his baby...  Me not being able to be happy or excited about having a little boy or little girl with the man I love.  Instead, I'm ashamed, and I'm heartbroken, and I've denied my child's existence to the very people I should want to gush the news to.  I'm terrified, and I'm alone, and I've never felt so...  Angry...  Bitter...  Or cheated...  Nothing about this mess is GOOD.  This is an experience I'm supposed to be over the moon about, but instead, I'm wishing it away" I whispered. 

"What do you mean, wishing it away?" He asked, carefully, fearing what turn this conversation may take. 

"I can't do this alone, Jess, and he's about to marry her.  In just one week and two days, he is going to marry HER" I whispered.

"Look, I know you're in a really dark place right now, but it's not going to be like this forever.  He's going to wake up, and he's going to come to his senses, and you two will be happy.  In the meantime, I'm not going to let you do anything you'll come to eventually regret" he promised me.   

"What if he doesn't?" I whispered.

"He will" he said confidently.  

"But what if he DOESN'T!?" I insisted, needing him to believe there was a chance I was right.

"He WILL," he promised, "but even if he's the biggest idiot in the whole entire world and for some asinine reason still doesn't leave her, you will NEVER be alone.   I'll make sure of it."

I breathed in deep.  I was scared out of my mind, but I found comfort in his confidence.  I hoped to God he was right, and that Logan would be mine again, and we could finally become a 'family'.

*******

After grandma's car service came to take her back to Nantucket, it was time to tell Liz, TJ and Doula the truth.

"Rory, I'm sorry I ruined Thanksgiving for you" Doula said softly. 

Tears immediately came to my eyes again.  I didn't want her to feel that way!  None of this was her fault, a nine year old never should've been expected to keep this sort of a secret.  "Hey, it all worked out okay, right?  Don't worry about it, you didn't ruin anything" I promised.

"So if you're not really back together, and if Jess - thank god - isn't the real father of your baby, then who is?  That one guy you were dating?" Liz asked. 

I shook my head.  "No, Paul and I hadn't seen each other for a really long time before I got pregnant.  It's not his.  I know who the father is, I'm just not ready to talk about it yet." I said. 

"She hasn't told him yet," Jess explained, "but he'll know soon.  One way or another."