Yours. » miniminter ff

Thirty Five

4 in the morning, staring at the ceiling,
On my own like I was last weekend,
You left and I guess you had your reasons, guess you had your reasons, yeah
I said things and I didn't really mean them,
Kept going 'till I saw your heart bleeding,
Ruined the only thing I ever believed in,
Ever believed in, yeah
And even though you're gone
I'm gonna pretend there's nothing wrong
I'm fucking every girl that comes along
Anything is better than to face up to reality, oooh

Simon's POV

I lied when I said I didn't care.

I lied when I said I didn't love her anymore.

I lied when I said I was fine.

I was angry at her for pushing me away from her.

I was angry for her leaving without a goodbye.

I was angry.

I'm still angry.

Looking at her hurts my heart, seeing her with Jack just makes me want to shut my eyes and fall into a deep sleep. There were so many things that I said that I didn't mean but I stopped trying to please anyone a long time ago. Meeting Alexa opened up so many new feelings inside of me, feelings for Lily that I didn't even know I had. Running my fingers through my hair, I sat on the couch at Joe's place. Maybe I was being a bit too harsh on her but she broke my heart into a million tiny pieces, I also didn't need her finding out the secret. Knowing Lily she would kill us all if she found out the grand plan, it would hurt her and she'd be pissed, but not just at me, everyone.

I felt guilty for keeping it hidden from her but I was still trying to get back at her for leaving me, maybe I was being a complete asshole but what she did to me broke me. I was a mess after coming back from LA. I didn't do much and even stopped making videos for a short amount a time, until Mani told me to shape up or she'd kick my ass, I believed her so I started to forget about Lily. But she's just one of those girls you can't get rid of easily, she was around forever, always in my head, never giving me a chance for peace. Alexa approached me with a small smile on her face. "You look upset." She whispered. "She told me you were cheating." I said flatly. "I'm not." She said with a smirk and she pushed me so she could sit down next to me.

"What the hell, Simon?" Tobi walked over to me, glaring like a dad would a child. "Don't you think that was a bit harsh?" I shrugged. "Whatever." I mumbled before looking at the beer bottle in my hands. "You have to get over your anger, it'll just eat you alive. She cares about you, don't lose sight of that." Alexa looked at me and placed a hand on my arm. "You'll never get over her until you forgive her. You'll never really be happy." I snorted and chugged down the rest of the liquid in the bottle before glancing into the kitchen where Jack was trying to comfort an upset looking Lily. "Don't do something you'll regret." Tobi said to me. I stood up and looked between the two of them.

"I regret ever loving her."

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"You're being a bit dramatic about this." Josh said to me while I stood in the hallway by myself. Christmas music was playing from the kitchen and the sounds of Mikey and Ethan's laughs could be heard from where I was standing. "Am I?" I said sarcastically before rolling my eyes. "I understand you're still hurt and everything but don't you think you should loosen up on the insults? She broke out into tears earlier." I leaned against the wall and remained silent. He wore a smug look on his face, he knew what he said got to me. "Seeing her upset is killing you inside."

"Can we please stop talking about her?" I questioned with a snap, earning a sigh from Josh. "Who'd you get for the secret Santa? I ended up getting Sarah." He rolled his eyes with a laugh and looked over at me. "I can't say." I said simply. He stared at me for a moment and even though I tried to think of a way to change the subject, I knew he'd ask about it anyway. "Why not?" I stared at him after silently having a conversation he broke out into a grin. "You got Lily, didn't you?" I sighed and looked over his shoulder. "Would you quiet down?" He laughed and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Good luck." With that he walked away and I felt myself growing tired of this party. I said goodbye to everyone, dropped Alexa off at home and went to the house where a long night of editing was calling my name.

Being home alone was like an early Christmas present, I could sit in my room and not have people randomly barge in to check on me like I was broken. I wasn't broken, not anymore at least. I was slowly getting over her just in my own way. Everyone deals with heartbreak differently. I texted Alexa and smiled softly to myself. Somehow she made things just a little easier to handle since Lily came back. I remember that night so clearly, the way she looked at me when she saw me with Alexa. The hurt I could feel on the inside covered up by all the anger. She came back after a year of no calls, no texts, no nothing. Like I disappeared.

That day at the apartment made me realize that after trying so hard to get her, she would only just ever slip through my hands, I could never hold on tight to her. There was so much that happened that day.

» Flashback «

"Yes."

Staring at her hurt, especially the fact that she was acting so calmly about all of this. "What do you mean? Things have been great, these last few months have been amazing, why would you do this?" I asked her, wanting to get down on my knees and beg her to come back home with me. "I'm doing this for us. I can't go back there, I don't wanna feel miserable anymore. I have to do something before it gets worse." I nodded my head slowly, the tears streaming down my face. She took a step forward but I stepped back, roughly wiping away the tears. "Fine if that's how things are going to go, then fine."

"Simon, please. I need you to understand." Her brown curls were framing her face, her cheeks were red and she was staring at me with those stupid chocolate colored eyes. "Oh I understand. I understand that you're willing to throw everything away. I care about you, I love you and I would do anything for you. Let me help." I could see the annoyance flashing in her eyes. "Stop! Stop trying to fix me! I don't need you to help me, I don't need you to step in. What I want is for you to just back off and let me handle it!"

She couldn't have made it any easier. Walking out, I brushed passed everyone who was listening at the door, slamming the front door shut as I quickly walked down the steps and towards the end of the street where Mani was waiting. "Let's go." I said simply. "Are you sure?" She asked and even though I know she's trying to be kind to me, I need silence. "Why wouldn't I be?" I snapped at her before I got into the passenger seat and we drove away.

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What a chapter, and the song makes it so much more emotional omg

Hope you guys liked this chapter!

Quick thank you for 14k reads, I'm shook tbh but seriously thank you, I didn't think people would like this book when I first started

Would you guys want more Simon POV chapters?

Song of the chapter: This Is My Version by Conor Maynard