The Shoey Diaries

The Shoey Diaries: Destined

Chapter 1 - Reliving what we hadn't lived.

* Joey's POV *

It had been a week since Shane did exactly what he had in my diary. It was a crazy thing. Especially when I tried to tell him that I knew what was happening and what was to come. It had felt like somebody had forced a golf ball down my throat; instantly delaying my speech as well as my breathing. Which resulted in me sitting there floundering for a bit to try and get my ability to control my breathing and talking back in my grasp. This happened at least four times a day. It killed me that only I knew what was going to happen. 

And after Shane dumped Lisa for me and I had to go along with everything, even though I already knew what was going to happen, I tried to change the course of things. When Sawyer showed up after Shane moved in, I tried to present the idea of Shane and I moving and finding our own apartment, Preventing his death, which resulted in my throat closing again. It was the weirdest thing. 

I just hated that I'd have to relive the nightmare that was Storm Sawyer; as well as the wave of emotions that overtook me that lonely night in the hospital. I was skyping my mom, Trying not to act like anything was bothering me. Trying to get myself under control because all I wanted to do was cry and cry because I couldn't stop Shane's death. And every time I reached for the mouse of my computer to end the call early, The same clamping in my throat spread throughout my whole body and I was unable to move. It was like I had coursed my own destiny and nothing could stop it now. 

I guess I should be happy. Shane chose me! Shane chose me because of me! Shane was mine! We'd get to live the happiest weeks of our lives together! But all that was circling my mind was Shane's injury... Shane dying... Doctor Morton's solemn face... The bleak days following his death... His funeral. And the thing that hurt me the most was the fact that I had written it. I had chosen the way things were to play out. It was all my fault, all of it, and I couldn't stop it or even try and prevent it. 

And in 3... 2 ... 1 

The chokehold on my body receded as I rushed out a goodbye to my mom and shut my laptop; hauling ass into the living room, Already knowing what I'd find. Did I really have to freak out and go crazy like I did in my diary? I don't think I'm that good of an actor... I knew Shane wouldn't die... Yet. I sighed then acted real mad; I could even feel the blood rushing to my face. "SAWYER!" I shouted, focusing my steely eyes on him. Don't laugh, Joey... Do not laugh. "I hate you! Get out, I despise you! Get the hell out!" Was I convincing enough... ? I guess I was, because Sawyer left. Reaching for my phone, I dialed 9-1-1; my voice sounding empty as I explained the situation. 

Everything from that point on was a blur. The paramedics showing up. Them loading an unconscious Shane into an ambulance. Me following behind. I was chewing on my bottom lip; Beating myself up inside. Goddamn you, Joey! You fucking asshole, You killed Shane! You're losing Shane because of yourself, You deserve to die! Shane doesn't deserve it, you do! The two paramedics in the back of the ambulance with us kept shooting me weary glances; Like I was the thing to be worried about. Pay attention to Shane! My mind screamed. He's dying! You may not know it, But I do! He'll be dead in less than three weeks! Please help him! So while the inner Joey sobbed and threw stuff and nearly killed himself in the process of his meltdown; Real Joey just acted dead... Just like after Shane's imagined funeral. Just like I will be after his real funeral, too. That's all I could see. Shane. Dead. In the open casket like a sleeping beauty, even though he wasn't sleeping, as the world said their goodbyes to him. And it was all my fault. All of it. I can't do it again. When he dies, So do I. I won't live to see the day.

But as we reached the hospital and Shane was rushed to the ICU, I was met with Doctor Morton instead of Doctor Rial... 

The chokehold was gone, I could speak about it all. I physically felt the loss of the restraint like it was the loss of a person. Except I wasn't sad, I was happy. I started crying then. They were happy tears. Though Shane died in the hands of Doctor Morton, It was Doctor Rial's fault. I felt a compulsive need to hug the doctor so I threw my arms around her and cried into her shoulder. And she hugged me back, not pulling away until I had. "Thank you." I said; though I didn't know who I was talking to. Myself? God? Doctor Morton? Regardless, I knew Shane would be healed. Completely. He wouldn't die. I visibly sagged with relief, letting it run through my veins and reach my heart. And I knew everything would be okay.