Blank thoughts

Chapter Thirty Three

The sky is dark. I stare out the window for a moment. Armin enters the room with a tray of two cups of steaming tea. I stand up and reach for my crutch. Armin gestures me to sit down. I reach for the cup of tea and relax. Armin grabs his cup and places the tray on the table. He plops down on the couch beside me and sips his tea quietly. I stare at my reflection in the cup of tea. "Eren....you okay?". I quickly look up and away from Armin's gaze. "I'm fine" I sigh. Armin shakes his head and puts his teas on the table. "Eren....you haven't been yourself ever since Annie showed up. I choke at her name and drop the teacup. the cup hits the floor, shattering into pieces. I slouch over and close my eyes. Armin stands up and grabs the tray. "What's wrong Eren?" he asks as he takes the shattered pieces onto the tray. "I....guess I feel....guilty" Armin's eyes widen as he drops a big chunk of the shattered cup. "From what....Annie?" he asks nervously. I open my eyes again. "I...think so". Armin stands up. "Eren...are you feeling well?" Armin asks hopefully. I nod and reach for my crutch. "She always kept on staying at my side....as if she really cared". I put the crutch under my arm and hoist myself up. I slightly cough and stand up. Armin walks up to me. "Annie is a monster who just about killed you!". I feel a bit raged. "How would you like if I said something like that about Christa?!". Armin turns hot red and drops the tray. "IT'S NOT LIKE THAT EREN!". I shake my head and lean down to pick up the tray. The door opens. It's Levi. His face is pale white. "Commander, are you ok-". Levi flops head first onto the couch. Armin stares at him. "Levi?". Levi sits up. "I'm fine" He sighs. Armin screams. "WHAT IS UP WITH YOU GUYS?!". Me and Levi freeze and stare at him. Armin looks away and storms out of the room. "Armin wa-" I loose balance off my crutch and tumbles to the floor.  I close my eyes.  Levi walks up to me. He takes my crutch and puts it aside. I take his hand and he hoist me back up onto the couch. I grunt and lean back. "You okay Jaeger?" Levi asks. I look at Levi. "What's going on Heicho?". Levi looks at me. I gasp. I see tears. "Petra..." he mumbles. I close my eyes. "TRUST US!" her voice echoes in my head. "I talked to Annie just now" Levi sighs. "She talked a lot about you....how you changed the cruel person inside her". I freeze. I clench my jaw and begin to cry. Why? I'm causing her pain. I feel arms wrap around me. I look up. It's my mother. The world around me turns into glass. rose petals fall from the sky. I look at her. My mother smiles and wipes away my tears. "Open your heart again Eren...stop refusing because I'm dead". I sob and clutch her sleeves. I cry and scream. The world returns back to normal. I'm back on the couch. Instead of my mother hugging me, it was Levi. I squeeze my eyes shut and let it all out. I open my eyes again, tears blurring my vision. I see tears in Levi's eyes too. "I'm sorry" I cry. levi closes his eyes. "It's okay Jaeger......I know she's never coming back.........".