Because of you (Demi Lovato fan fiction)

Does she want your help?

March 2012

Justine

The rest of the day we spent together singing and playing the guitar. She felt better, well, that's what she told me. I really hope she does. Demi told me about her documentary "Stay strong" premiering soon and that she wants me to watch it. She seemed to be nervous. But I promised her to watch it and telling her what I think. Brave girl! Oh my! Demi left a few days ago. She has already planned her next visit. Right now she is working in Texas but after that she wants to visit me again. I can't wait.

Demi

I love being back to Texas. My home! Tough there isn't enough time to visit my relatives. I miss my family. I grew up here, my heart belongs to Texas and there are so many incredible memories.

Justine called me after she had seen the docu of "stay strong". I could here that she was crying. She told me how proud she is of me and that she knows that there is a happy end for me. After that phone call I started crying as well. But not because of her positive feedback, but because of a huge feeling of guilt and shame.

Wilmer still tried to call me and the evening before flying to Texas I picked up the phone. He wanted to meet me to talk about everything that happened between us. I still don't understand why I agreed and we met at his house. He told me how sorry he was and that he never wanted to hurt me. He was crying and we ended up having sex. The next morning I felt like I had dropped myself down. He hurt me so much and I was so disappointed. I started drinking alcohol and purging my food only because of our break up. And he said a little sorry and I landed in bed with him. But on the other hand I still love him. I miss his guidance and protection. Two days after our, well "meeting" I saw a picture of him with this girl on twitter. Paps caught them kissing at the beach. The pictures where new and I knew that he was playing with me again. I was so angry, desperate and frustrated about my own stupidity. How could I fall for him again? How could I be so dumb. I fooled myself and couldn't cope with this situation.

I was afraid to talk to anyone about that. Not even Marissa knew something was wrong. And I was afraid to tell it Justine too. She already did so much for me, and we don't really know each other that long. I don't want to know what she really thinks about me. A needy stupid little girl? So I tried to fix it alone and I failed completely.

I got drunk the day I found out about the pictures and I got drunk all the other days too. I did it secretly every evening before I went to sleep. It was the only way to escape from this fucking reality. Yesterday in my drunkenness I called Wilmer sobbing through the telephone telling him that I still love him and want him back. I don't really know if this is even true. I just need someone to hold me, telling me that everything is going to be ok. He was quiet and listened to me.

W: "Demi, I'm so sorry what happened. I just wanted you to forgive me. But, I never wanted to sleep with you."   D: "But we did, and don't tell me you didn't enjoy it!"   W: "I am so sorry. But I can't... I have a girlfriend Demi!"   D: "But I love you!"   W: "You don't love me. And I don't love you. It's just. Demi I want a friendship with you, yes. But no relationship! I'm sorry!"

I hang up. I was anywhere in Texas, sobbing and crying like a baby. No one was there to hold me and calm me down. And the worst thing is, that he is right. I don't love him anymore. I just hold on the memories. But I need someone beside me, who cares about me, loves me doubtless. I thought it could be him, but that's not going to happen. I didn't know what to do. I grabbed the bottle of vodka and continued my drinking.

I tweeted: If he wants to talk to you, HE will call/text you. If he doesn't, then he doesn't want to. Never call the guy first. #datingproblems