Because of you (Demi Lovato fan fiction)

Thanksgiving (1)

Justine

This last week was like a rollercoaster for me. My feelings went up and down, I was happy and sad at the same time. Work and University kept me busy most of the time. I tried to blind everything else out, because although I was confused and weak inside, I wanted to be professional. I don’t want to let people know how I am feeling, well no one at work or at University. The time after that was difficult. I was running around aimlessly, started housework without ending it. I tried to work out a bit, but stopped this too. I sat in front of the TV without watching it. Thankfully Lucas was with me most of my free time to distract me with just being him! I begged him to give me some time to think about everything because I didn’t want to talk about anything named “Demi” or “Megan” at the moment. That’s me! I need to sort things out for myself before I am able to explain everything to others. That is what I am trying right now.

I know that my feelings for Megan are nothing more than to a good friend. Although I know it wouldn’t be a great idea to work on a friendship right now. She is hurt, broken and sad. I am feeling guilty and ashamed! Ever since Anna left me I made a promise to myself to always be honest and truthful in a new relationship! And I broke this promise! I feel so sorry for her and even called some friends of her to make sure there is someone looking after her and giving her comfort! She deserves to be happy again! Lucas visited her too to pick up my stuff from her apartment. He said she looked tired and she tried to hold back her tears when he left with my things. But I know she will be fine soon. She will find her soulmate and princess. It wasn’t meant to be and Megan will notice that too.

Most of my thoughts were about Demi though. Seeing Cece kissing her cheeks and Demi flirting with her was like someone ripped my heart out of my chest. It was like an eye-opener for me. I know people told me so often that there were more feelings behind our friendship, but I wasn’t able to admit them. Something changed now. Every time I am thinking of her I caught myself smiling. And I was thinking about her a lot. I remembered the time we first met. I looked like a mess when I asked her to look for a pimple in my face. But I felt so much sympathy right from the start and our first day together at the Zoo was so funny! It was the time when I found out that she is not only Demi, but Demi Lovato. But nothing really changed for me after knowing that. She was still that same shy and cute girl for me. I love to make her giggle and laugh. It is this contagious laugh that chases away every dark cloud at the sky! That laugh that makes everyone feel better because it fills people’s hearts with joy. I remember our late night talks where we both opened up so much and where I realized that Demi is a very important person for my life. I realized that she was different to me. We were able to enjoy the silence while being together, we were able to be super silly and stupid while laughing and messing around. We shared those serious conversations and were talking about our feelings and thoughts. And even though I have my too best friends, Jody and Lucas, my feelings for her were always different. For it was like finding my soulmate! And I still know she is. But it is so much more. I know it now.

I am falling in love with her. I fall in love with her hopes and dreams, I fall in love with her sarcasm and jokes. I fall in love with her perspective on things, with her past, her present. I fall in love with her cute freckles and her messy hair in the morning. I fall in love with her scars and birth marks. I fall in love her biggest wishes for her life, her beautiful face, her stunning body. I am falling in love with Demi, my soulmate, my friend, my buddy, my partner in crime. I need her in my life, but yet I am so afraid to be disappointed again. I am afraid to trust and being left behind again. And being with Demi would change my life forever. She lives in the public eye. That would mean the same for me then I guess. What if her fans might hate me? What would that mean for her career?

And my biggest question at all is, if she is still in love with me. I hurt her so much after she opened up to me.

Demi