The First Adventure

Chapter • 23 • Goodbye

• Tiny Party •

Four years prior in time

"Are you okay?" I ask gently. His face is scrunched up like he's troubled with something. He looks up at me with a smile. "Everything is just peachy." He spat out angrily. I scratched at the bandaids on my arm. There were four in total on each arm. I knew he would react like this, he always does, why I told him not to come today. But he did and now he's mad.

I couldn't help but feel guilty. If I just learn to believe that everything I see is not there then maybe we won't be dealing with this problem. Maybe I can actually go home permanently for a change. But no, my messed up mind just won't give in fully. Some things I can decipher as not real and real but sometimes it's just hard and exhausting.

A soft knock was at the door. A nurse came in hesitantly. She must've heard of the countless stories of me attacking unwanted guest. Well they had it coming. If your going to try to tame a monster you can't expect there not to be a fight.

"Mr. Haywin would like to speak with his daughter. You have a few moments to say your goodbyes." She met eyes with him and refused to look at me. Why? Am I so broken and sick in the head where I'm viewed as a scary thing. Tell me please, I would like to know. I can just add to the list.

He sighs but answers with a yes as she began to leave with haste. He looks at me with concern but I give out a smile to try to rid him of worries. "I'm sorry but I have to go, but I'll be back first thing tomorrow." He pulled me into a hug before looking in my eyes to make sure I was okay. And I was. At least until dad comes in.

I whisper, "goodbye." As he walks out the door. I went over to my bed and sat there patiently, waiting for dad to come in. And not even a knock, my dad came in. He stood up tall, towering me with his height.

"Marguerite the doctor said you made no improvement since the last three weeks." Disappointed ran deep in his voice. The feeling to cry is starting to rise. "What's holding you back? I don't see why this is so hard for you to come over?!" His voice rises to almost yelling level and rage is clear as day.

I give out a weak whimper. I know the past times he was able to control himself but fear drove me to think he was going to hurt me. "Well answer me! What is holding you back!" He grabbed my arm tightly. Tears started to fill my eyes.

"I don't know." I sputtered. Tears flowed down my face before I knew it, but that didn't stop him.

"That's not an acceptable!" He threw me back down on the bed. I crawled into the corner and brought my knees to my chest. "You've been here for over two years and you made little improvement! What do you have to say to this! Are you even trying?!" He ranted.

"I don't know!" I cried in vain.

"NO! That is unacceptable! You know what..." He glared at me. "No more visits home. You are to stay here until your fully recovered." He spat while I cried loudly. Visiting home have me a peace of mind. The only place where I could find a tiny piece of sanity. But now that sanity is gone. Along with my broken and sick mind.

"You hear me? No more. So I assume now that you'll try this time around." He turned around on his heels and slammed the door loudly as he exited. I flinch when the door slammed. I just sat there in the corner and sobbed what's left of my heart, out.

My head hurt, my heart hurt, my body hurt. I just am hurting all over. I shake violently as fake whispers try to calm me.

Your not real go away! I thought angrily. And as if on command they left like everyone else.

I mentally break down. It hurts to breathe but I push to get air in my lungs. Tears came down like a waterfall as I couldn't control my emotions. I felt so weak and helpless. I can't take this anymore. My broken mind thought. Then thought of leaving, to runaway came into view.

But is that what I really want?

Do I really want to runaway?

Maybe I do?

Maybe I don't?

What do I do?

My heart lurches at the many questions. When it does, I know the answer. Yes. Yes I want to runaway, to be released from this hell hold. I don't want to be the insane one no more. No more crying about me being broken and sick in the head. No more yelling, no more crying, no more anything. I could maybe be happy for once. I forgot what true real happy feels like.

I hear a rhythmic knock at the door. I whip my tears from my face. Even though I knew my face is blotchy and tear stained, I didn't want them to see my tears. I know strange but that is what my sick mind thinks what's right. Amaranta and Marvin walk in the room. They stood awkwardly stand there. They know. They probably heard. I know what they're thinking, they're going to try to do something about it but they will fail. I hate when they try to argue. I just want to forget it and move on.

"Its dinner time, my little bird." Amaranta said, finally looking at me.

"Okay," my voice came out more softly then I planned it to be. I slide of he bed and exit the room. There in the dining hall filled with more broken kids, we ate in silence. And I couldn't tell if it was good or not.

The next morning wasn't better. Well at least it doesn't feel like it. I gather everything that I cared about. Which is very little. Once I have everything thats here, I exited my room without a second look. I feel my mind want to tremble and cry but I forced the feeling down. Not here, not now.

Then I went outside towards the hidden corner where few people are found. I Look at the fence and throw over my stuff. Then I climb over myself. I sat at the top for a moment daring myself to look back at the grass. And I did, I looked at the ground below me. Faintly, I could see Amaranta outline in her window. Before she can turn around and see me, I jumped down and rolled to lessen the impact.

There I hid amoug the bushes and snuck up to the ront of the building. There I did a full blown sprint until my legs felt like jelly. I look at the monostrous buildng behid me. This wasn't me looking back, this was me finally reasurring that this was the right decision. After that I walked towards town. There I can steal some food and stuff. But where would I go?

My heart said the forest. And my mind agreed. It's like an instinct to go to the forest or woods or anything with tons of trees and animals. But if my mind and heart say woods then I'll go into the woods. Because I trust my instincts to not kill me.

I munch on some bread. Tears ran freely down my face. I'm already feeling homesick and guilty. But I force myself to continue forward. I can't be fixed there. But maybe here I can. But who knows, maybe I'm too broken to be put back together.

But I felt guilty for not leaving them behind but because I didn't leave anything behind. No note, no call, no nothing. They'll probably look for me for awhile but give up. But what about him? He's going to feel so lost and angry and guilty. Oh dear. What have I done. I should go-no I made this decision and I'm going to stick with it.

Even if it breaks me. But I know because you can't break what's already broken. Well if that's the case then even if it hurts me. I'm Marguerite-Rita-Mara- or whatever nickname you know me by- Haywin and I'm a runaway.

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Hello my peeps!

The song above is Numb by Marina And The Diamonds

Disclaimer: I do not know how a mental hospital works or looks like from the inside so please don't comment on how it is wrong. This is how I imagined things to happen so you can deal with it and move on.

Well see you all later my peeps,
—Magpie 😜