At All Costs || Jerrie

Chapter 14

Jade
Perrie left a few hours ago, said she needed to clean herself up and check if we had received any mail while we had been here. After that she'd spend some time with her family. They came all the way here from South Shields, just to stay by her side while I recovered from the incident. So now I was alone with my mum, who looked anxious as her brown eyes were directed at the telly.

"Stephanie O'Connor is the second victim in less than a week..."

The news presenter spoke about the nineteen-year-old Stephanie O'Connor, how she had disappeared on Saturday- two days ago- to when a teenage boy on his way to school found her body in a pond.

A massive portion of guilt flowed through my veins. There were no words that could describe how awful I felt about this. A young girl with her whole life ahead of her had been ripped away, and nothing- absolutely nothing- could bring her back from the dead.

Maybe if I had ignored Perrie the morning Stephanie disappeared and gone out looking for her with the rest of the police force, maybe then she would've been alive today. Maybe we had found her in time, maybe we had been given the opportunity to arrest whoever it was who abducted her in the first place.

Okay, it hadn't been confirmed that Stephanie was abducted but I strongly believed she had. With Sam on the loose, people disappeared without a trace and then turned up a few days later, often dead. Sam usually didn't leave any survivors. The reason for that was because he enjoyed the killing, he enjoyed to hear people beg for their lives. But if he did let someone live, he'd make sure that someone never told anyone about their "experience", threatened them he'd show up at their front door and destroy them piece by piece if what happened ever reached the ears and eyes of the media.

"It's me fault. I should've done something while I had the chance" I muttered bitterly.

Mum looked away from the telly. Deep sadness glimmered in her beautiful, warm eyes that felt like home everytime I looked into them. With a facial expression expressing more than just one emotion, she grabbed my left hand. She stroked the back of it with her thumb, moving it slowly back and forth.

"Jeed, baby, there was nothing you could've done. Don't blame yourself" she said softly.

"Perrie and I were out that day, mam. We were eating breakfast at a café in town when we saw the news that she had disappeared. I told Perrie I should be out looking, but she told me that Stephanie wasn't me girl to save, that me colleagues would find her. She made me stay. I should've left, because if I had, then I would've found Stephanie. She would've been alive if I had done me job properly."

Tears of anger welled up in my eyes, threatened to fall. Not wanting to cry for the sake of my mum, I used every ounce of energy in my aching body to hold back the tears. But it was difficult. My eyes burned, it felt like they were on fire. My throat tightened, making it harder than it already was to breathe.

Mum being mum, somehow knew my attempt to hold back the tears would fail, knew I'd break down in tears no matter how hard I fought them. Without uttering a word, she got up from the armchair and sat down on my hospital bed. She wrapped me up in her arms, held me close to her body as she drew circles on my back with the tip of her index finger.

I clutched onto her, buried my face deep in her chest as I lost the battle and countless tears began streaming down my face.

"I don't wanna do this anymore. People are dying because of me! If I quit me job and take a job at McDonald's, people will continue to live. Families won't be broken. All I've ever done is watching people die and failing at arresting criminals. Sam is on the loose again and now he has people working for him. I failed at keeping him locked up, mam! I failed with something so simple as making sure he'd stay locked up to his dying day! It's embarrassing! I'm a bad police officer, I've always been!" I yelled distraughtly, my voice muffled since my face was buried in mum's chest.

"Hey!"

Our bodies disconnected. The warmth mum had transferred over to my body while holding me, disappeared the way sand slips through your fingers- fast. Mum bored her eyes into mine, looking at me with so much sadness that it hurt my heart. I hated seeing mum sad, and I hated that I was the reason.

"Pet, the last thing you are is a bad police officer. You've helped so many people over the years, put your own life at risk for saving someone else. About Sam escaping prison, that's definitely not something you could've kept from happening. You aren't positioned in Manchester, what happens there is beyond your control. Bad things happen, sometimes you can't save people. But just because you couldn't prevent a life from being taken, doesn't mean that you are bad at your job or that you do it wrong. I know it hurts you when people die, I know you blame yourself for things you don't have any control of. And that has to stop, love. Now, this young girl died, and as sad as it is, you can't isolate yourself and tell me you'll quit your job because of it. You are an amazing police officer, Jeed. A life lost doesn't define you or your ability to do your job. Do you understand me?"

I nodded, even though I didn't agree with a thing she said. I was a bad police officer, for letting not just one but two innocent girls slip through my fingers within a week. Two people were dead because of me. I was responsible for everything that was happening. Sam committed these crimes to show me he had come back. He didn't shy away from me or the citizens of the UK. Considering I was the one who arrested him two years ago, I was responsible for every death. Because he swore he'd come after me once he got out of prison. He never said what he'd do, just that he would come after me for locking him up. So I guessed this- killing people- was his way of getting to me.

Mum flashed me a small smile, then she stroked a few strands of brown hair from my face, gently putting them behind my ear.

"Come here, me beautiful little girl" she said lovingly as she opened up her arms.

Though my body hurt when I moved, I sat straighter up in bed so I could hug mum properly. With tears still leaving traces on my skin as they slowly rolled down my cheeks, I wrapped my arms around mum's waist and put my head on her chest. Mum embraced me, held me protectively to her body. She placed a tender kiss on top of my head. I held onto her tighter, didn't wanna let go for a good while.

"I love you so much, pet, you know that, right?" Mum asked tenderly.

"I know, mam. I love you too" I replied sincerely.

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Hello, people, I hope you've had a good day, or that you're having a good day. I'll be out of town tomorrow (Saturday), so there won't be a chapter until Sunday or Monday. I'm leaving around 6AM tomorrow, meaning I have to go to bed early, so this is the only chapter I give you today. I know it's short, but next chapter will be longer :)