Whispers of the Night

High of him.

Authors note- One of my favourite photos of Zak, taken at the Los Coches Adobe. 🖤🖤

*

I sighed contently as Zak's fingers played with my hair gently as my head was on his shoulder. It was almost as if no time had passed between us from 5 years ago as Zak would occasionally press a kiss on my forehead.

We'd been in a comfortable silence for a couple of hours but I knew he had questions so I waited and sure enough one arose.

"How bad was it?" He asked softly.

My heart sank slightly on the conversation topic, but in a hopes that we weren't on about it. I asked him to decide.

"Childbirth? Or-"

"How bad did I hurt you Lettie?" He asked moving slightly so I would lift my head off his shoulder.

I sat up and looked at my hands "It was forgivable."

"How bad?" He asked firmly eyeing the photos again.

I looked down at the two he had chosen from the pile. The worst ones..

"I couldn't eat, or sleep.. I cried for hours, begged for some kind of tablet to make it all go away. Not Avari, but the heartache, it felt as though it was broken, properly torn apart, that you had the other half in your hand and clenched it in for fun. Like Avari spilled... I still cried when I saw you."

He placed the photos down frowning st his hands. "I'm sorry for doing that to you."

"I guess you didn't see how hard I fell. I worshiped you Zak, like a God I followed everything you said. I was.. I was immersed by you. You told me at the beginning, you warned me not to fall for you, that it was only a one time kinda thing, but it became regular. You showed you cared and I guess those lines, well they faded. But don't blame yourself, or try and turn it into something else. I was naïve and I wanted your attention. Maybe I was kinda sick in some way I never thought I could breathe without you.. and I don't know how that started but I'm better now,  I promise."

His hand took mine silently and squeezed it gently "Is it because you have a little part of me? Always?" He asked.

Truthfully, I nodded "Avari was a beautiful accident. One I will never regret, but she is my baby. Our little girl, and although I knew I would never have you, I had her and it was okay." I laughed slightly "She's so much like you as well. Her mannerisms, her sleeping position, even her argumentative side."

"I'm not argumentative."

"You are."

"No I'm no-" he paused as I gave him a knowing look.

"Maybe I am a bit." He mumbled.

"She has your eyes, the type that show so much light but can hold so much dark. Your dark hair too. I'm still looking for parts of me." I replied lifting up my favourite photo of her.

It was around a year old when she was sitting up unaided, her hooded towel draped around her with a wide smile and bright eyes.

"The nose, she has your nose, her laugh it's like yours. I fell in love with it the moment I heard it and you're caring side... She has that too." Zak confirmed.