Be More Chill/Dear Evan Hansen One Shot Collection

Michael In The Bathroon

Trigger warning: Blood and lowkey self harm???

Everyone stares at them.
The drama girl and the loser boy.
I'm one of the people in crowd.

Watching as my best friend finally proclaims his love to the girl of his dreams.

I hear cheers from my sides. One in particular is Zoe Murphy. A brunette girl in my grade, who looks sad, but also happy for her best friend, Christine.

I don't say anything, I just keep my hands in the pockets of my red hoodie, watching as Jeremy talks to the female, his face bright red as he does so.

This is the girl who he's been babbling on about since then the day he saw her in seventh grade. I'd never say anything of course. Why would I? All I want is to see my best friend happy. As long as Jeremy is happy... I'll be happy.

I'll try at least.

Despite how difficult it is sometimes.
I just gotta suck it up I guess.

"You alright there, Michael? You look like you're going to throw up." A male voice says, making me jump out of my thoughts.

"J-Jared! Yeah! I-I'm good!" I reply, plastering a fake smile across my face as I look at the slightly shorter male in front of me. Jared lifts an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. A blonde boy pokes his head out from behind him.

"Don't lie Michael... we're your friends... right? You can tell us stuff" Evan whispers to me, I nod slowly.  "It's just... about Jeremy" I mutter quietly as Jared glances at the male, then back at me. "You like him?" He asks, making me blush brightly. "N-no! Im just... happy for him" I insist, looking at the floor.

"Nah you're in love with him" "shut up Jared." I retort, chuckling nervously and scratching the back of my head.

I glance back at Jeremy, who's still talking to the female. He glances back at Evan, Jared and me, as if praying for us to jump in.
God I wish I could.

But alas, None of us do. My feet are glued to the floor. Evan shoots him a thumbs up, elbowing me, as if trying to tell me to do the same. I hesitate, but I do, a pained smile on my face as I do so.

God I feel sick.

"I-I have to go-" I mumble as I rush off, tears rolling down my cheeks as I run away from my crush, and the love of his life, hearing Evan call for me as I evacuate to the one place I know I won't be bothered.

Just like the Halloween party, I'm sitting in the bathroom, crying my eyes out. Not because Jeremy hates me like he did with the Squip, but because he'll never see me, the way I see him.

All I want is for him to know how much I love him. Even while the Squip was controlling him, It was still Jeremy... and I still loved him with all my heart.

Even if he didn't return my love.

Even if he completely ignored me.

Even when he abandoned me.

I guess knowing someone for 12 years and having severe anxiety when it comes to making friends with others, (Jared being an exception. We're related) Makes you kinda in love with them.

I'm so fucking selfish.
I'm such an idiot!!
Why didn't I just confess to him before... but then again, what would be the point??? He still had his heart set on Christine.
Not me.

No one ever cares about Michael.

I'm not the one he wants...

I'll never be the one he wants...