Winter Air [H.S.]

Forty-One

It was a tangle of sheets and pillows. Their bodies were pressed up against the other. A glimmer of sweat and the smell of sex covered each naked curve of their bodies. Her body was laying against his, her arm sprawled against his torso. Her breathing was slow. He watched as her back rose up and down as she took in each breath. He was wide awake, unable to fall asleep.

Every time Harry would close his eyes, he would be faced with a picture of Ava. It was paired with a thick coating of guilt. It was a guilt that he felt every time Libby touched him or he would kiss her. It was the guilt that he would feel whenever their bodies connected in the most intimate fashion. As much as he tried to push the guilt away and to not dwell on it, it would still remain. He knew that it was driven by the love that he still had for Ava but he didn't let that get in his way of trying to move on. Trying being the key word.

The bottom line of the situation was: Harry was using Libby. He didn't plan on stopping however. They didn't know anything about the other but he didn't want to get to know her. Their relationship was purely physical. A summer fling. Every day for the past week, Libby would stay over at his apartment. The main activities of their time together consisted of touching and kissing. Which of course led to other things. Their "relationship" was purely physical and Harry didn't care. He knew that she wasn't looking for anything more and she knew that he wasn't either. A good fuck was what he considered her to be. She relieved him from the physical urges that he had and took his mind off or the inner battle that he was facing. She was a distraction: a distraction from the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach; a distraction from the guilt he felt for not fighting for Ava; a distraction from the love that he felt that couldn't part with (as much as he tried to).

The apartment was starting to warm up as the sun outside his bedroom window began seep in. Their sweaty bodies stuck together as the thin sheet laid across their bodies lazily. Libby stirred in her sleep while incoherent words flowed out of her lips. He watched her as her red hair stuck to the back of her neck. He lifted her hand off of his body as he rolled out of the sweaty sheets. He walked out into the balcony of his small apartment and lit up a cigarette. With each puff of smoke, he watched the city light up from the upcoming sunrise.

He couldn't help the thoughts that wandered back to her. Was she watching the sunrise too? Did she have her usual cup of tea and a blanket thrown over her body? Was her hair in a messy bun on top of her head as she sat and looked out into the sunrise? These questions floated in his mind as he watched the sky change into a collection of reds, blues, and oranges.

It bothered him that she was in the same city as him. It bothered him that she was here and that he couldn't see her. There wasn't anything that was really stopping him from finding her. But he knew that it would be a bad idea to do so. She had made it clear to him that she didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. All because of his stupid decision to go to LA. He scolded himself as he took in another drag of the nicotine filled smoke. It burned his lungs as he inhaled. There was something cathartic about the feeling of the cigarette that sat in between his fingers. It brought a sense of comfort. A slice of serenity that he so desperately longed for.

Harry had been consumed by his thoughts that he didn't hear the door slide open. He kept his eyes on the city. Suddenly, two arms slid around him. "What are you doing out here?" Her voice had been raspy due to her sleep. Harry didn't respond to her, he just continued to look out into the distance. "Harry?"

Libby let go of his body and began to rub his bare back with her cold fingers. An involuntary shiver ran down his spine as she began to leave small kisses up and down his spine. She ran her hands up his back and began to massage his shoulders. Her small hand reached up into the base of his neck and ran through his curls. Harry turned around causing her hands to fall from his hair.