Winter Air [H.S.]

Forty-Seven

Songs :
Youth - Daughter (“And if you are in love, then you are the lucky one”)
Find Home - The Honey Trees (“You were the one who woke my heart, and kept it alive. You were the one who took my fear, and let me go”)
Higher Love - James Vincent McMorrow |cover| (“Let me feel the love come over me. Let me feel how strong it can be”)

| forty-seven |

“Your father, he was such a great man. But cancer- oh Ava, cancer is a cruel disease. The tumor in his brain hit him so fast that he didn’t have much time left.” Her mom sniffed into her handkerchief. It had been ten years since her father had passed away. Ava had just turned twelve and asked her mother what happened to her father. She barely remembered him, given that she was only two when he passed away. But now she wanted to know who her father was. She missed him, even though she didn’t really know him. 

“Your father loved you very, very much. I’m so sorry that you didn’t get to really know him, sweetie. But he is in a better place now.” 

Ava shook at the distant memory. Her mother had lied to her face. The claims that she had made that her father had brain cancer and only a week to live - it was all a lie. The years that she had lived thinking that her father was looking down on her had been wasted energy. He was alive. 

A violent shiver coursed through her body. Her hands shook as she held her mug of tea to her lips. It was monday morning. The weekend had flown by quickly. Regardless of comforting words and soft touches that Harry had provided for her, she didn’t feel any better. If anything- her heart broke more. 

He was alive. 

He was alive. 

He was alive.

The more she would repeat the words to herself, the more surreal it felt. 

Ava called in sick that morning. She did not feel up to being surrounded by people. All she wanted to do, all she craved to do, was to stay bundled up in her queen sized duvet and Harry’s sweater. 

It smelt like him. A scent that she adored so much. Even though she didn’t know where they stood in their relationship, she was so thankful that he was here with her. She needed him. His scent alone brought the reassurance that she needed. She was breaking in the inside. Her mind becoming numb to the real world. Yet he still was able to bring her back out. He didn’t let her completely sink into the unknown. His hand was firmly grasping her and held her tight. He was her anchor. The storm of her father’s reappearance was ripping her sails a part. She can feel herself drifting off, but he was holding her back down into place. He wouldn’t let her drift off into sea. He was her hope. 

Jacey had called her earlier. She couldn’t believe that Ava’s mother had lied to her and that her father was alive. It all felt like a bad movie. The cliche of it all was sickening. But it was a reminder that life wasn’t perfect. Life will undoubtably throw you a curveball. But it is up to you if you are going to allow it to bring you down. You can choose to surround yourself with people who will hold you up and not let you fall down. Ava had that; she had Jacey. But most importantly- she had Harry. 

When she told Jacey that Harry was back in her life, she giggled. A string of “I knew you two would get back together” and “I am so happy for you” had been repeated throughout their short conversation. 

“Ava, I know you are going to hate me for saying this. But, I told you that you two were meant to be. I knew that he didn’t give up on you. That man is crazy about you. Absolutely crazy about you.” 

Little did Jacey know that Ava was equally (if not more) crazy about him. 

- 

The room seemed to be spinning. Her head was pounding and her stomach felt queazy. She clutched her stomach as she ran to the bathroom. All of the contents that had previously remained in her stomach had oozed out. Her body shook as she violently heaved. A layer of goosebumps covered her skin like a second skin. Her skin was covered in sweat. She pulled her knees to her chest as she rocked back and forth.