party monster | the weeknd

twenty nine

1 week later

Abel

"So, you two are over for good?" Lamar asks me as we climb into the car.

"Yeah," I say as Lamar starts to drive away.

I look down at the tattoo of Jasmine's name, remembering mine and Taylor's last conversation after we had sex for the last time.

She wanted to know more about Jasmine and I told her about her, despite how much it killed me to talk about the first love of my life.

In a way, it kind of helped me feel better, since I was actually talking to someone about Jasmine and not bottling my emotion up.

"And what happened last night . . ." Lamar says slowly, trailing off.

I turn to like at him. "It was a mistake," I tell him, shifting around in my seat uncomfortably. "It won't happen again."

Lamar nods. He stops at a red light and turns to look at me. "I'd hate to see you go back to using," he says, looking at me with serious eyes. "I don't want to see you back in hospital like the last time."

"Lamar!" I say in a frustrated tone. "That won't happen again! It was just a one off and a mistake."

He nods and starts driving again. "Good," he mutters. "How much longer do you think it'll take to get Hyghly and Hawk's money?"

I shrug. "I don't know," I answer. "I just need them to get off my back. Can you believe they told Taylor about what happened in Toronto?"

Lamar sighs heavily. "She was going to find out either way, Abe," he tells me. "You should've told her, especially since you catched feelings."

"I know," I mutter, running a hand over my face. "I really fucked shit up. I shouldn't have stashed those drugs in her apartment."

Lamar chuckles lowly. "Man, why the fuck would you even do that?" he exclaims.

"I was being a selfish asshole and thinking about myself," I say bitterly through clenched teeth.

I hate myself for doing that to Taylor. As soon as I realised I was catching feelings for her, I should've moved those packages from her apartment.

I mean, if the police did raid her apartment, how could I let the girl I have feelings for - the girl I love - get arrested for my mistakes?

Again, because I'm a selfish asshole.

I lean my head back against the seat and think about last night, my throat going dry.

Fuck, I was that weak that I had to go and take drugs just because I got rejected by the girl I love.

I was that weak that I had to take drugs to block out my feelings and forget about everything.

Thank God Lamar came over because I would've probably popped another pill or three.

I'm so fucking weak, I think to myself bitterly.

I look back down at the tattoo of Jasmime's name and brush my fingers over it.

I wonder how different things would be if she was still in my life.