GET READY FOR A LOT OF SWEARING AND I FUCKING RANT THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT IN THE SLIGHTEST
Man I fucking thought mothers were supposed to love you. I am having a serious breakdown right now. (As in crying my eyes out)
So basically, I may have Bipolar Depression and right now, I'm going thought the Depression part of it. I told my mom what was going on and she said we could get help for it.
No.
SHE FUCKING FORGOT EVERYTHING THAT I FUCKING SAID. I BROUGHT IT BACK UP AGAIN TODAY AND SHE GOT MAD.
WHY IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DO YOU GET MAD ABOUT YOUR OWN DAUGHTER'S MENTAL STATE?! HUH?! WHY?!
What the fuck did I do?! And all she fucking had to say was:
"Its fucking hormones. NOTHING IS FUCKING WRONG"
Now the thing is that I have two sisters with chronic depression (One of them has severe anxiety). One brother who has Insomnia and ADHD. And a little brother with ADHD. My mom cared for all of them when they were sad.
When my brother couldn't sleep, my mom got him help and actually TRIED to help him. SHE TOLD ME TO STAY OFF MY FUCKING TABLET. SHE MADE NO FUCKING ATTEMPT TO HELP ME WHEN I WAS FREQUENTLY NOT SLEEPING FOR 30+ HOURS!!!!
My big sister has anxiety and depression. I HAVE FUCKING ANXIETY AS WELL. Yes, I do not have depression, that could change quickly.
My mom, took her to therapy and helped when she told her she was having attacks at school. IM HAVING ATTACKS AT SCHOOL AND WHAT DOES SHE DO? NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING!!! SHE DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING CARE!
My twin sister has chronic depression and is cutting herself. My mom did the same as she did my big sister. She got her help and actually tried. My sister is usually unhappy and uninterested in most things. Wow. Oh look at that.
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This is what Ive been going through plus a lot more. AND OH LOOK. WHAT DOES MY OWN MOTHER DO ABOUT IT?
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOTHING!!!!
And my little brother is self explainitory. He's the baby of the family.
Ive been going through tough times too. Ive been hiding so fucking much behind my pathetic little smile. I have feelings and problems!
I CANNOT SLEEP! I HAVEN'T BEEN EATING! I HAVEN'T BEEN HAPPY! IVE BEEN HAVING TOO MANY MOOD SWINGS! IVE BEEN CRYING SO MUCH MORE! SHE DOESN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS!!
SHE THINKS THAT BECAUSE I AM HER "HAPPY GO-LUCKY" CHILD THAT NOTHING IS WRONG!!!! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK THAT?!
DO I HAVE TO CRY IN FRONT OF HER FUCKING FACE TO GET HELP?! DO I HAVE TO FUCKING CUT MYSELF TOO?! DO I HAVE TO STAY UP FOR WEEKS?! DO I HAVE TO BE SAD 24/7?! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SOME FUCKING HELP?!
Oh my goooddd.....I just don't know. I don't want this to be anyone's problem, but nobody in my family will listen to me. My mom won't listen. My dad doesn't even live with me.
I just...I just want one person. Just one person to care.
I need help...I need someone to tell me what's wrong with me. I need someone to listen. I just want someone who believes me when I say I'm not okay in the slightest....
Goodbye,
Rosa
(I'm just going to leave the Internet for a while after tomorrow.)
