from the beginning (COMPLETED)

chapter 64: healing

it was two weeks later and the kids were off at dallon's house. the boys decided to go out for dinner and then come home to do whatever they wanted.

they went out and got chipotle, eating at the restaurant.

and josh wanted to show his husband off to absolutely everyone. 

when they were waiting in line, josh stood behind his husband, his arms wrapped around his waist as he pressed kisses against tyler's shoulder.

when they got up to order, the lady thought tyler was cute.

and oh, did josh pick up on that.

he first slid the wedding ring off his husband's finger, cleaning it so it shined extra bright before sliding it back on.

but that wasn't enough for the girl.

josh turned his husband towards him and pressed a long kiss against his lips. "isn't my husband the cutest?" he smirked at the girl, hugging tyler's waist tightly.

"joshua william! that wasn't appropriate!" tyler said when they sat down with their food.

"she was checking you out, baby! you know i don't like when people look at you like that..."

tyler sighed and nodded, kissing the top of josh's hand. "i know, baby. you're just being protective and it's adorable as always."

the couple finished their food and went home after purchasing several tubs of ice cream from target.

"you wanna start with cookie dough or mint chocolate chip first, baby?" tyler called from down the stairs.

"whichever one you want, love," josh responded.

so tyler brought up both.

josh giggled and sat up on the bed, his legs spread with tyler sitting between them, both sharing their sweets.

they ate all the ice cream they could, deciding to save the rest as treats for the kids.

tyler went downstairs to return the tubs of ice cream to the freezer, and when he returned upstairs, his husband was completely naked.

"hm," ty said, not really sure what to do.

"you wanna have couple fun, baby?" josh asked with a grin.

"u-um s-sure," tyler stuttered.

he awkwardly got on the bed, tensing up when josh started to remove his shirt.

"baby, are you ok?" josh asked, noticing his husband's nerves.

"y-yeah," tyler said quietly.

"you're never nervous when we do this, what's up?"

tyler shrugged and played with his fingers, sitting back on his heels. "i dunno. i just thought maybe... m-maybe you wouldn't find me sexy anymore," he said quietly.

josh frowned and tilted tyler's chin up. "baby, that's what you're worried about? i don't want to have sex with you just because of the way you look, even though i must say, you're the most attractive person to ever walk the earth. i want to have sex with you because it's a way to show our love for one another. and that's all i wanna do. so don't worry about looking 'sexy' for me, ok, love? because trust me, you are, but i don't want you to think i'm making love to you just because of that. i'm making love to you because i love you. ty," josh said. he had always known his husband was insecure about his looks and his body, but he had noticed a lot of improvement within their first year of marriage. though after the incident, it seemed worse than ever. and it made josh feel terrible.

so he put his clothes back on and sat on the edge of the bed, not touching tyler.

it made tyler sad, to be honest. this was supposed to be the one night where they could touch and love each other on a physical level, but it was gone.

"um... i-i love you. i-i'll be on the couch i-if you need something," tyler said quietly, kissing josh's temple and going downstairs.

josh sighed and rubbed his face. "what the fuck have i done?" it was the one night his husband had dreamed of for months, and he ruined it by making things go too fast. of course tyler wasn't going to be ready to jump right into sex again. the person he'd be having it with cheated on him! now his husband didn't even want to be in the same bed as him all over again.

he texted his husband, just wanting him to know he wasn't mad at tyler.

joshua: i love you, baby.

ty: love you too.

joshua: goodnight.

ty: oh. goodnight.

read 11:57 pm

12:10 am

ty: am i allowed to come back or would you rather me stay on the couch tonight?

it broke josh's heart that his husband thought he had to ask permission to return to the room they shared.

though tyler knew the amount of guilt josh carried. he beat himself up over it constantly. and though it showed him the remorse his husband had for his actions, he didn't necessarily enjoy seeing the breakdowns, and he learned it was best if he left josh alone. because when he was looking at tyler's innocent, sweet brown eyes, he'd begin to sob.

joshua: i'd love it if you came back, ty.

so tyler quietly entered the room again, standing awkwardly at the foot of the bed.

"you can sleep in here, ty. i didn't mean that you had to just come in here for a couple minutes."

"o-oh."

tyler got into bed, waiting a minute before crawling closer to josh. josh put an arm around tyler's shoulders, sighing and closing his eyes.

"i'm sorry tonight was such a bust. it was supposed to be your dream night..." josh said sadly.

tyler shrugged. "it's ok. just now we know i'm not ready for sex yet."

josh nodded and held his husband closely. "maybe we can try again once school starts up," he suggested.

tyler nodded his head, falling asleep with his husband's arm around him.

oh how they wished they could return to the way they were before.