Living in Sin (On Hold)

47 _ A. R. T

I woke up.

It would have been a whole lot better if it was just a normal shake on the shoulder, or the calling of my name, but no. it was that freaking sixth sense which kept whispering from the back of my head that someone was watching me.

Turned out someone was.

"How long have you been staring at me?" I mumbled, my eyes not on him but on the ceiling as I let out a long sigh. It hadn't   shown while being around Rina but I was really beat.

"I've been thinking about you and Rina, Nik." I groaned and sank back into the pillow, thinking Not again. "I thought I knew why you are after her."

"You never did, Steve. And believe me, there is nothing I would love to do more than play therapist for you, but I'm really tired right now. So can you please leave me alone?"

"At first I thought you were just trying to get back at your father and that's nothing I couldn't understand. I know what he's put you through." I'd begun pondering whether I should get out of this room or get him out of it when he went on with that patronizing air. "I still wouldn't have let you use Rina for it but--"

"You think this is about my father?" I questioned, exasperated, sitting up on the bed and turning to face him. "Why do you even say you know me?"

"I thought it was about him before yesterday 'cause I figured you were trying to break him and Jennifer up. But what you're really doing now is ... it's gonna destroy you, Nik. I gotta stop you before it's too late."

"What the hell are you even talking about, man?!"

"You've been doing things to spite your father but it's become kind of a pathological need for you. You don't even care about the man anymore. You're on this self-destructive pattern that's actually gonna destroy you in the end."

"Look, first of all, I do care about my father. Second, you're right 'cause I never even thought of using Rina to upset his marriage. Last, there's no self-destructive pattern. I'm keeping my grades up. I'm a regular on the team. I stay fit. I don't do drugs, and I'm only gonna get better now that Rina's here. You know what?"

I paused to move over and sit on the edge of the bed, ready to leave the room and this shitty conversation, which I knew I wouldn't stay to hear the end of.

"I've been wondering. You've been with me all my life. Especially the last two years. I know I wouldn't have made it without you. I never said thank you because we never needed words like that between us."

"I'm doing this because I care, Nik."

"No, right now I have to say thank you to you because, let's face it, you're not the one you used to be anymore," I said, getting onto my feet. "Why did you turn have to into one of those judgmental stupid f*cks I've seen all my life, right when I need you the most."

He immediately stood up and grabbed my arm. I didn't say anything. Just wrenched it out of his sissy hold with a lot more force than necessary, which sent him staggering back a little.

"Just ... just listen to me. If you don't back off and if Jennifer finds out you're chasing after her daughter, this marriage is done for."

"That's not what I wanna do but I don't care if it goes that way."

"That's the problem. You don't care. You don't mind this limbo. You don't wanna move on. You just keep blaming yourself for the family you lost instead of welcoming the new one."

I closed my eyes, my nails digging into the palm of my hands as I struggled to hold myself back from hurting him.

"If Jennifer goes back, your dad either stays stranded here alone or he follows her. Either way, it's gonna be a long time before he starts trying to get through to you again. That can't happen."