Rivals For Breakfast

56| Flat Side

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I don't shed any more tears, though my heart feels like it hasn't beaten since I left his arms. I feel cold knowing they'll never hold me close to his frame again. His fingers will never intertwine with mine and his lips will never heal the pain of my heart, not anymore. For a while his love was therapy, the touch of his skin was a bandaid, the sound of his voice was medicine. But now I'm left even more broken than before. I guess I have a lot of issues, that I need to deal with. I have to learn to heal all on my own.

Nolan hands me a water bottle. He hasn't spoken since I showed up, I think he's scared to ask questions. His eyes often glance at the ring on my finger. I try to ignore it, although it's nearly impossible when it keeps spinning light shows on the ceiling. I've been meaning to take it off, it's not right for me to wear it like this. But parts of me feel like it's the only thing holding me together, taking it off would mean tearing myself apart at the seams.

We share breakfast and lunch. His mom even comes home for an hour to say her goodbyes. Nolan is such a good person. He's lucky really, his life hasn't been tainted with blood and death. As for myself, there are fragments of me spread thin all over the world. So many of my pieces have been dropped and forgotten, the void in my soul is on the verge of swallowing me up. My life hangs like the fringes on my ripped jeans. There's so much left for me to do. Before I go, I have to get closure, or at least try.

"I have one more place to go, but I promise I'll be back in time" I tell him. These are the first words we've spoken to each other all day.

He looks up and smiles at me weakly. "I'll wait for you," He says.

Even now his face is weighed down with stress. I hate that I've brought so much drama into his life, and yet he's been so forgiving.

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The bus ride to the other side of the city is long. I pass a million storm clouds and count the number of naked trees. I no longer feel trapped in the color black, so today I wear white. Maybe it's light will somehow rub off on me.

The sun sets so early these days, as if even it, isn't powerful enough to combat the cold front. But one day down the line, the sun will shine so brightly it's warmth will emanate over everything it touches. The flowers will bloom, the birds will return, and trees will transform back into green. The vibrant leaves will twirl in the spring breeze with their veins that so closely resemble the veins under the skin of our own.

The bus stops across the street from the familiar house. My boots click-clack in its direction. For some reason, I don't even feel nervous. My steady fingers firmly grip the bronze doorknob.

Maybe I'll be lucky, maybe he'll be here.

The door is unlocked, I swing it open as if it hasn't been months since I lived here. Everything is black, I lose the stairs in the darkness. There's a dull light in the distant kitchen and the faint whispers of a heated conversation.

"Brent?" I call.

Everything falls silent around me.

"Shit!" I hear him cuss.

I follow the sound of his voice through the dark hallway, he meets me halfway at the kitchen entrance.

His face looks ghostly pale, his eyes regard with a wide glare, a bead of sweat trickles down the side of his face.

"What the hell are you doing here, I thought you'd be gone by now?" He whispers.

"That's why I came, I had to see you before-"