Onism || Oh Sehun

Chapter 36: I'll Miss You

Oh Sehun,

I never, ever wanted things to be like this. I didn't want to just leave things as is and make you think that I'm backtracking on how I feel about you.

I'm sure you've noticed by now. I'm not mentally right.

I don't want to go into any specifics about what I have, because if I do, I'll just feel pathetic and weak. And that's the last thing I want to show to you. But, I lived nearly 5 years this way, and it had spiraled out of control, more so ever since I moved to Korea.

I wanted to run away and look at my life blindly. But now I've waken up from this dream-like trance, I finally realize that I have to do something for myself. And that's why I won't be around for a while. I will be going somewhere so I can make myself better because I want to overcome this disorder I have.

Jovelyn is coming with me, so you won't see her either.

Please, I hope you don't hate me for suddenly disappearing.

I wish that things were different. I wish I wasn't so messed up in the head.

I want to be with you, Sehun. We didn't have enough time. I would have wanted to show how much you meant to me. Despite our rough start, you brought a change in my life. A change that I desperately needed in my sad life. You found something within me, you knew my own potential when I didn't. You showed interest in me, as Mirasol. And I can never thank you enough for that.

You, Oh Sehun. You're an amazing man. You're quick witted, firm, and a natural leader. You should date a woman that's normal for once.

If by chance, when we meet again, and there's that small chance there's still something between us, then I'd want to try again. It's my fault for having to drop an amazing guy.

Take care of yourself, and don't you dare slack! Please tell everyone else I'm sorry too. I am so horribly sorry for having to leave so sudden.

I'll miss you, but I'm going to do all that I can to have a better image of myself for when I return.

... And I'm sorry again.

Sincerely,
Choi Mirasol

It felt like someone had reached into Sehun's chest, digging in sharply, and took out his heart in one fatal swoop.

He thought something was wrong when he hadn't heard from Mirasol the day after their date... and then the day after that, and the next. Just why? Why all of a sudden he had to get this letter at the receptionist desk?

Sehun asked the receptionist over and over, even if he received the same answer he keeps dreading.

"I'm sorry, but we got the notice that the Chois of 24B were moving out. They won't be living there anymore."

What kind of bullshit was that?

Was this the real reason Mira had to resign as a model?

Why?

Why?

You were someone I wanted to hold tightly to.

Why did you slip from my fingers?

Sehun spent the next few days locked in his own apartment. He had so many things running through his mind, just wondering why she had to leave without a trace.

He tossed and turned in his bed.

Restless and exhausted. Lethargic.

A scream was itching to come out his throat; let out all the frustrations he had building within him. He wanted to hold her, have her in his arms. Hold her tight, tell her everything's okay. Listen to all her worries.