s t r o n g | brendon urie

12

nothing worked.

he was sinking lower and lower.
and i couldn't help.

i tried talking to him and being there for him. but he kept pushing me away. it hurt me so much that he didn't want me to help him. i cried myself to sleep daily, thinking about it. i was starting collage next month, my baby bump was now here and the stupid album bullshit was really taking a toll on me. whenever i visited my parents me and brendon would have our usual arguments but i found a way to stop them quickly.

my depression was slowly breaking me down and i hadn't said i thing. and lucky for me because zack came over to give me something from sarah and he caught me crying in the corner. he did inform brendon and sarah who came over straight away. i loved that i had my parents by my side and there for me 24/7 but i was in such a dark place and didn't know what to do.

"hey what's up?" sarah asked. i wiped my eyes and didn't reply. i couldn't speak. it was like someone was choking me, preventing me from speaking. "fucking mental health" brendon said to sarah, knowing what was going on. "you need a break. you do have a lot on your mind" sarah said, putting an arm round me. i shook my head. "n-no i-i need to...i-i need to do it all" i mumbled.

"lana your three months pregnant, you have collage in a month, you have to release an album soon and your boyfriend has an alcohol addition. how do you expect to do it all yourself? you need a break" brendon said. "i can't" i insisted. "look it dosent even have to be long. maybe you, mariah, hayley and megan could go away for a week somewhere. even just a day lazing around could help" sarah suggested. "and leave ryan by himself?" i whispered, as tears welled up in my eyes. "hey" brendon wrapped his arms around me and held me tight as i started to cry again. "whatever's bugging you, you need to get it off your chest" he said soothingly.

"i'm so useless" i whispered. he knew straight away. "lana your no where near useless. have you seen how many good things you've done for people? you helped so many people come out, get support for their mental health and your still helping tammys family after four years. your going to give birth to a beautiful child in six months and you became increasingly popular at only 15! so ding dong your opinion is fucking wrong" he said.

i didn't agree with him. his words didn't change it. the words replayed in my head over and over.

U S E L E S S